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There has been some positive growth, but boy, this has been a difficult week. Chief is calming down some. I have spent all day, every day trying to make this work, and put in a call to my dog trainer, to get her advice ( maybe I am being too over-protective as my dayghter says or not. I want advice. I am not comfortable with the amount of risk of injury I am seeing ).

Today, I just put Chief in our fenced in back yard for about 45 minutes and left him. He scratched on the door, howled some, ran off and chased everything that moved and came back again. I do believe this is the most ADHD dog I have ever known. BUT, when I let him back in, he was calm for a COUPLE HOURS! I am not sure if my daughter was ok with me doing that.

I am seeing some adverse behaviors in my Sammy ( poodle). He is not enjoying the rough housing/ "playing" as my daughter calls it, as much ( I never thought he did ). He is starting to be agressive about his toys, which he can never have because everything he wants to play with/settle with, Chief takes. I can give them both the exact same thing and chief wants to take Sammy's. I know that is because Chief wants to play, but sammy doesn't want to.

Chief has also hurt Sammy a few times, just by jumping on him. Sammy does turn belly up and chief landed with his big paws on Sammy's exposed belly. Now, Sammy is afraid of that and I'm so scared of injury. And, Sammy is also starting to bite at Chief, out of fear. My daughter says Chief is only 17 lbs, but I tried picking him up today and guarentee he must be 30.

I really want your input on this cause my vet is worthless. I do not want to risk my dog's health. This other puppy is at least 3 times my dog's weight, but he is a brick.

I have put so much work into getting these dogs to work together. I am not sure what normal dog play looks like, but do not like this.

My daughter keeps telling me " they are dogs, they are playing, let them play" while not lifting her ass off the couch to help or seeing that my dog is trying to escape ( maybe I am wrong< she says he likes it, I think he is fighting for his life).

Daily, Sammy's activity level consisted of a walk ( 10 minutes? ) a day, fetch and 2 10 -20 minute training classes. Now, he is a chew toy/interactive toy for 18 hours a day.

It is getting better. I do secluded ourselves in my room, couldn,t today cause daughter had migraine>
 

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Can you get some video of the "play"? It may be a matter of age and not very compatible play styles or it could be leading to something no one wants, behavior changes to the negative for Sammy and not enough structure for Chief. It seems to me that Chief is the one
who needs the shunning treatment :).

Just as when Sammy came to live with you and he had to learn that Jett was the senior dog in the pack, now Chief must learn the same respect toward Sammy. This is not a suggestion for any sort of punishment, simply that he must learn to wait his turn. It doesn't sound like Sammy will be the one to do the teaching :).

(If it's something you want to confirm, and if you have a scale around, just weigh yourself alone then pick up Chief and weigh the both of you, subtracting you weight.)

If I can find some video of my two playing when they were closer to Chief's age, I'll post it for you.
They're a bit over 7mo here

A bit over a year here

They play rough at times, more than shown here, til one (Neo) yelps because the other (Remo) has gone too far. Then they both make themselves small and Remo starts licking Neo's eyes, I think as an apology. You can see by their body language and strategies that they are playing cooperatively and in fun.
 

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Daabor, I am so sorry you and Sammy are going through this. It is such a hard situation for you. It sounds to me like a bad situation for Sammy. Ideally, he shouldn't have to stick up for himself. When one dog is putting off clear signals that they do not appreciate the actions of another and the other dog doesn't listen, the respective owners are supposed to step in and prevent abuse. But your daughter seems unwilling to be responsible.

I had a similar situation when I visited home for a couple weeks over Christmas and took Misha. My sister's dog was a bit of a bully and took away any toy that Misha touched and made Misha feel like he wasn't able to play at all. I kept telling her dog off for bullying Misha and she complained that it seemed like I didn't like her dog. I told her that it should be her stepping in and preventing him from being a bully and that he would never learn to coexist properly without correction when he did things that were bad. Initially, she was angry/upset with me for "calling her a bad owner" but she did start to control her dog better and they did become more harmonious after that.

Can you remind us how much activity Chief is getting? He seems like a very high energy puppy that needs a lot of mental and physical stimulation. If his needs were being better met, it is likely there would be less conflict.

Regarding toys, I would institute a no toy rule when both dogs are together if you are not able to correct Chief to the point of success. The toys are clearly causing issues and though it isn't Sammy's fault, you don't want him developing possessive aggression because of this. He can play with his toys when Chief isn't around.

I forget if we talked about tethering in the other thread but I feel like we did. Have you tried tethering Chief? I feel like Sammy really needs a break from this puppy. He needs a safe space where Chief cannot get to him.
 

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I think your daughter needs a crash course in dog etiquette and body language, and to be gently but firmly reminded that your house=your rules. And Chief needs much more exercise, much more occupation, and crate training. There is a simple test for whether Sammy is enjoying the "game" - if they are separated does he voluntarily restart it, or is it always Chief? I would try breaking the dog play every few minutes by offering them both a treat, ideally involving a Sit, and then watching to see which dog initiates the next bout.
 

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I feel for you. This is a very difficult situation and I don’t think you are over reacting. Chief seems like a very rambunctious puppy, maybe even out of control, and he could very well hurt Sammy.

I think since your daughter is not concerned and since this is your house, it’s perfectly okay for you to take control and make the rules. For example, Chief could be crated or tethered when unsupervised so Sammy doesn’t feel threatened. Sammy has to be protected from Chief, and it’s up to the humans to do it, because accidents do and will happen otherwise.
 

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Having an adult child move home would be stressful even without pets involved. It requires an attitude adjustment on everyone's part. Add an undisciplined puppy to that and it's got to be really hard.

Frankly, I would limit the puppy's access to the house. I'd limit him to one area away from my poodle. When my daughter complained, I'd just say - that's the way it's going to be. (My solutions may not work for your life, but I have my mean moments.)

Good luck.
 

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Having an adult child move home would be stressful even without pets involved. It requires an attitude adjustment on everyone's part. Add an undisciplined puppy to that and it's got to be really hard.

Frankly, I would limit the puppy's access to the house. I'd limit him to one area away from my poodle. When my daughter complained, I'd just say - that's the way it's going to be. (My solutions may not work for your life, but I have my mean moments.)

Good luck.
This is exactly what I would say
 

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I think you've had good advice so far. Protect your boy from the puppy by separating them unless the puppy can play nice. Your daughter can get off the couch and walk him if she doesn't like it; you own the house.

For the puppy, since it's not fair for him to be locked in a bedroom or crate all the time, I would make him a flirt pole and run the heck out of him two or three times a day. When my boy Galen is pestering the cat it's usually an indication he needs to play. Ten minutes with a flirt pole gets his energy down enough that I can then stick him into a crate with a yakky stick or a bowl of food and get a couple hours of peace.

The total cost of a homemade flirt pole is under $5 if you already have some rope. Here is mine:
468782


I got a 5' piece of thin PVC pipe from the hardware store. I cut an 8' piece of clothesline and threaded it down the center of the tube. I knotted a steel washer to one end of the rope to keep it from pulling out of the tube. I tied an old tug toy to the other end (I could have used a stuffed animal, dish towel, or worn out t-shirt instead.)

I just drag the toy in front of Galen and then whip it away when he starts to chase it. I repeat a few times until he's panting, then I let him catch the toy. I then either play tug with him, or I work on calmness by letting him hold the toy in his mouth while I rub his ears and pet him. Eventually, when he seems relaxed and isn't breathing so hard, I take the toy from him and drag it to start another chase session.
 

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I think you've had good advice so far. Protect your boy from the puppy by separating them unless the puppy can play nice. Your daughter can get off the couch and walk him if she doesn't like it; you own the house.

For the puppy, since it's not fair for him to be locked in a bedroom or crate all the time, I would make him a flirt pole and run the heck out of him two or three times a day. When my boy Galen is pestering the cat it's usually an indication he needs to play. Ten minutes with a flirt pole gets his energy down enough that I can then stick him into a crate with a yakky stick or a bowl of food and get a couple hours of peace.

The total cost of a homemade flirt pole is under $5 if you already have some rope. Here is mine:
View attachment 468782

I got a 5' piece of thin PVC pipe from the hardware store. I cut an 8' piece of clothesline and threaded it down the center of the tube. I knotted a steel washer to one end of the rope to keep it from pulling out of the tube. I tied an old tug toy to the other end (I could have used a stuffed animal, dish towel, or worn out t-shirt instead.)

I just drag the toy in front of Galen and then whip it away when he starts to chase it. I repeat a few times until he's panting, then I let him catch the toy. I then either play tug with him, or I work on calmness by letting him hold the toy in his mouth while I rub his ears and pet him. Eventually, when he seems relaxed and isn't breathing so hard, I take the toy from him and drag it to start another chase session.
Good tips! A stretchy bungee cord is extra fun! I see you have a floppy moppy!
 

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Watch for the doggy dance: Sammy and Chief should mirror each other as they play, always taking turns lunging, rearing, play biting, running away, etc. Back and forth, back and forth.

If Chief is consistently entering Sammy's space, and not vice versa, timeout.

This is up to the humans to enforce, otherwise Sammy is likely to become reactive with time. And if Chief isn't respecting polite social cues, a fight may ensue.

If a dog doesn't know how to play politely, the humans may have to interrupt every few minutes to allow both dogs some space. The hope is that this will improve with time.

Not only is it absolutely not fair to leave a physically weaker dog to defend himself constantly, it really could do longterm damage—physically and/or to his temperament.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. :( Not only are you worried about Sammy, I'm sure it's hard seeing Chief not getting what he needs. 45 minutes outside, alone, is not going to do anything to wear him out or improve his manners. It might even make his bad habits worse. Hoping your daughter steps up and takes him for a 45 minute walk next time, so you and Sammy can have a break while Chief has his doggy needs met.
 

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Raising a puppy is a lot of work and quite frankly, exhausting. Any extra hands should be welcomed but not entitled, unless you’re paying - trainer, dog sitter etc. I recommend claiming tasks, like 1/2 hour in the yard training, brushing, finding healthy crews, Kong’s whatever for quiet crate time, an AM or PM potty break. Whatever you feel comfortable and happy to do. DD needs to power through migraines, brisk walks are recommended btw, get Chief on a schedule. She needs to be present for any time spent with Sammy. She’s got the first part aced, in “Love me”; “Love my dog” needs her best efforts:)
 

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DD needs to power through migraines, brisk walks are recommended btw, get Chief on a schedule.
As someone who's suffered from migraines since I was 7 years old, I just want to gently say it's not always possible to power through them. I get multiple varieties. Some allow me to fulfill my daily obligations. Some respond to medication. Some leave me screaming or silent with agony, vomiting on myself, unable to move.

There's a lot of stigma around this disorder, even from those who also suffer.

Chief will need to learn to settle in the dark with the OP's daughter if this is something she regularly deals with. My last dog did it. Now Peggy does. It's just part of life.
 

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As someone who's suffered from migraines since I was 7 years old, I just want to gently say it's not always possible to power through them. I get multiple varieties. Some allow me to fulfill my daily obligations. Some respond to medication. Some leave me screaming or silent with agony, vomiting on myself, unable to move.
I get migraines as well, and they actually stopped selling my OTC meds for a while. Nothing else worked, and it was horrible. Migraines without the right meds for me means: no lights, no sound, ice pack, and most likely a pillow over my head.

Both of my dogs have learned to stay in their beds/rest when I am trying to cope. It's something a dog can definitely learn when they are sensitive to their owner's needs.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I am sorry it's taken me awhile to update. I've been sick ( not Covid ).Although chief has made good progress, I told daughter she has to take care of him when she gets off work. She told me she is going to rehome him if she is the only one responsible, and it's my fault she looses her dog. Chief has maded good progress, but he needs constant redirection. I do this all day. My daughter doesn't see the need for this and I get tired at the end of the day.

After all my work, she comes home, spreads out on the couch and does : social media: for a couple hours. Completely ignoring her dog. She does this to her son too.

I am still too pyschically sick to function, and it would be much easier, I really like my daughter's mutt and would like to keep him. if possible.

I' not okay w/ Sammy getting hurt and this is where my daughter and I get into it.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Sorry guys, I'm very sick atm. My kids are not doing well maintaining the home while I am not there. Sammy seems to be doing well, I miss him. Once I get home, will update. Thanks for being there!
 

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Hoping you are feeling better and home very soon. I don't mean to sound harsh but if she decides to rehome Chief because she can't fulfill a responsibility that she took on, that is on her and is not your fault.
 

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I wanted to add that I am a migraine sufferer so I know what I’m asking and what pharmaceutical remedies exist. Your daughter wants to rehome Chief and maybe that’s for the best. Chief will be one less stressor in the pandemic life. I feel badly for him, nonetheless.
 

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Yes its easy for our kids to fall into the "being a kid" mode but our adult children aren "kids" anymore and therefore must take responsibility. I can only speak for myself but many of us gave to much of ourselves to our kids and sense we have a generation of people who like to blame others for their errs in judgement and/or never take responsibility for themselves. My adult daughter lives at home and while most times she is responsible she occasionally falls into the child mode. Seems I fall for it too until I've had enough, then I remind her of the many doors this house house and they all open and close. She is soon to get a puppy, she wanted another big dog but I told her she could have one I wanted her to get a st poodle so it could be good size wise with Renn but she wanted a boxer and I said frankly I'm not really up to the puppy thing right now. She is getting a shih tzu, we've had them before pretty easy dogs but I reminded her while I helped while she was in school, I'm not about to get up any earlier to feed and take out a puppy so just keep that in your mind. And most importantly I hope your feeling better soon.
 

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I am sorry you are ill. And sorry also your daughter is manipulating you and playing the guilt trip on you. Unfortunately, no matter what we teach our kids, a big part of what they are is self-made. If she won’t take responsibility for her dog, then she shouldn’t have one and rehoming would be best for this puppy who deserves better. And so does your Sammy. And you.
 
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