Poodle Forum banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Not mine, my students. It is two weeks away from the end of the fall semester. It is three weeks away from Christmas. It is Hannukah. Everything externally tells students they should be happy, right? These classes will be done soon. My friends who go to other schools will be home soon. It is the holiday season and presents are coming.


Every now and again though I have an experience like I did today that reminds me I should never assume anything about those people sitting in the desks in front of me. Life is often not remotely like what I might think at face value.


I got an email this morning from a student who was in a panic about not having met a deadline on Tuesday. I had an appointment to do some training work with a nice young GSD and my student's message was long and complicated so I decided I would just talk to her at the end of class. Well then she didn't make it to class...but I met her in the hallway near my office. I invited her to sit and talk with me. we talked about the assignment and her general work in class (which this is the second time around for her in it) which started strongly but has faltered lately. I normally don't really delve into students' personal lives, but over the course of the hour that we spent together I unravelled how deeply personal considerations were impacting all aspects of this student's life. I owe it to her not to reveal any specific thing she said to me, but I do want to pay tribute to her courage in the face of an array of challenges that a 24 year old shouldn't have to be dealing with, including importantly her realization that she needs therapist help to recenter herself and face her challenges from a position of strength. I talked to her about the Sheryl Sandberg lean in vs. the Michelle Obama lean out approaches to life and the idea that while women can generally accomplish all they want to reach for, but that they can't necessarily do it all at the same time, advise I have counseled perfectionist young women to consider throughout the thirty plus years I have been teaching.


I wish her courage, patience with herself and success.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
That is beautiful, Catherine. Your students are so blessed to have such a wise and caring professor who goes above and beyond.



ZM she really needed a safe space this afternoon. I hope she can find her center. I think she is very capable, but instead of walking down a nicely maintained trail in a pleasant park she is currently in need of a machete to clear a path for herself right now. I was happy to not have anything pressing on my schedule this afternoon.



I think it is very hard to be a teenager or 20something these days.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,145 Posts
Your students are lucky to have a caring professor. I hope this student finds the help she needs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lily cd re

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
She is seeing an on campus therapist and that is free so long as she is a registered student. The counseling services we have on campus are very good.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mfmst and zooeysmom

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,202 Posts
Every student should take advantage of that free counseling if it is offered, imho. I certainly plan on it! For my university, you get 6 free sessions a year and have the option of continuing for a very low fee.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,025 Posts
Catherine, it was so good that you and your student could talk on a deep level. I recently began to see a therapist (in addition to my psychiatrist) and she has really helped me in so many ways. I hope your student will have a similar experience. Anyhows, put you and your student in my prayers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,526 Posts
Thanks for being such a encouraging should to a young person. We never do know the shoes one walks in and its pleasant to hear.
My daughter, now 31...has had a difficult year so I understand from a parents perspective. She wrecked her car early on in the semester, had several hematomoas and lots of pain but never missed a class. Suffers from both anxiety and depress, is terribly overweight, as she stress eats. Really I think its wrong foods as she doesn't overeat any meals and often skips them. And now after putting all her money into school for nursing, borrowing more for a new car, had a good job lined up, she totally blew her final.. Which means she is done..Can't accept her "good job", can't repay her loans, right now..can't repeat semester, Talk about stress..This entire household is a mess right now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
592 Posts
Being a student in the 18-25 year old range is hard. You have more stress than you have ever had before, and you are still developing the skills you need to deal with it.

It really helps to have good supportive people to listen sometimes.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Mufar I am truly sorry your daughter has had such a rough time of it. I hope she will find a good path for herself. rkj_ you are very right about how hard it is to be a recent high school graduate. Many of my students have had very hand held lives up to this point whether it be parents hovering, teachers giving do over opportunities or a coach who gives everyone a trophy even to a losing team lots of my students are very poorly prepared for the idea that all of a sudden they have to fly on their own and nobody ever taught them how to fly by letting them crash and burn when the stakes were much smaller than they are for my students or Mufar's daughter.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mfmst

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,526 Posts
Thanks Lillycd. I think today just isn't good for me I am so devastated. But for her it will be a learning experience, though devastating for her as well, she thought she id well. As much as it hurts me..I told her to suck it up, find some work and if this is truly her dream she can reapply in five years and start again, or find a new path to follow. It is what it is. While she owes a lot of money she does not have any children to support so thats a good thing.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
Thanks Lillycd. I think today just isn't good for me I am so devastated. But for her it will be a learning experience, though devastating for her as well, she thought she id well. As much as it hurts me..I told her to suck it up, find some work and if this is truly her dream she can reapply in five years and start again, or find a new path to follow. It is what it is. While she owes a lot of money she does not have any children to support so thats a good thing.

I can't imagine who much your heart hurts for your daughter right now. You've supported her through thick and thin so far in life and I am sure she appreciates that. She will find her way.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,810 Posts
Sometimes all it takes is for someone to show that they care..............I am thinking you tried to do that for her, I hope she knew that and it helps her! You have a good heart Catherine!
 
  • Like
Reactions: lily cd re

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
22,964 Posts
Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
I mostly listened but where I thought I could share an experience from my life that was related in some way to what my student has been experiencing I did so. We had a real bonding experience through what we shared. She told me things I suspect she may never have told anyone else. I am sure she left feeling that she had had a good chance to allow me to see into her life to understand why she is struggling in class and also to share things that she has held very close to her vest with everyone she knows. I want her to succeed but worry for how things will end this semester and what that might mean for her resolve to go forward. I will remain optimistic though.


I just dropped her an email to let her know I hope she was feeling better and that she will find the resolve to make a strong finish.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MollyMuiMa

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,616 Posts
I just read “Educated” by Tana Westover. A memoir of a homeschooled daughter of fringe, survivalist Mormans who ultimately achieves a PhD from Cambridge. That did not occur without support and mentoring from her professors which I was reminded of by Catherine’s experience with her student and Mufar’s daughter’s string of bad luck. A bend in the road is not the end of the road... It is nice when someone advises about the bend or talks you through it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,526 Posts
I can attest that your listening ears and your email has more than likely given this young girl strength to go on. You are making a difference. I think that is what many of us are here for, listen, and give emotional support to those who may need that extra lift.
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top