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I'm not posting to upset anyone, I am just looking for some constructive help in dealing with my fiancee's dogs (miniature Poodle & Yorkie or Westie mix; but look mostly like Poodles).

My reasons for wanting to be left alone are:
  • Allergies - I am allergic to dog dander and saliva
  • Clothing - I wear expensive clothes/shoes and do not want them damaged or dirty
  • Anxiety - The dogs stress me out
My goal is to have the dogs give me my space and pretty much leave me and my effects alone prior to our being married and living together.

As it is now they are very demanding of attention, and if I ignore them they will paw at me or jump on me and ignoring them or turning away from them only exacerbates the behavior. Additionally, the younger one will paw at one's legs if it wants to be picked up and licks at people constantly (both exposed skin and clothing). The anxiety comes from the dogs neediness, having to wash where I've been licked before an allergic reaction develops, being followed and bothered incessantly when I'm at my fiancee's house.

I like the dogs okay don't hate them or anything like that and am nice to them, I just want to feel like I have some space and to not have to worry about a pair of expensive trousers or shoes being ruined. My fiancee knows I'm making an effort to adapt to the dogs and that I don't view them as family or children (and never will for that matter). I have been honest with her about some of the issues I have with the dogs but I don't want to hurt her feelings because she DOES think of them as her children and a part of her family. She knows I'm making an effort but I haven't emphasized how much of an effort it is for me, it's just something I feel like I have to deal with and manage and I want to do it the right way and not cause any issues with the dogs. Sorry this post is so long, I somewhat felt the need to go into detail to help keep the flames to a minimum.
 

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Unfortunately if you are living together the dogs will be there unless she makes the decision to not have them. I hope that is not the case and you can find some way to live together in harmony with her and the dogs.

As far as allergies go I too am allergic to dogs not as much with poodles because they have more human like hair than some dogs, and don't shed, however having said that no dog is hypo-allergenic and they still have saliva and lick you.
I chose to have poodles but that was my choice and I know your situation is different. When the dogs go to lick you have something there to deter therm , say a command like no, or leave it, and then have something in place to give them that is positive such as a fav. toy or something.
As far as your clothing I assume you don't wear your " best clothes" at all times so I would have them gated when you are coming and going in your nice clothes and when you come home after work or whatever you change before being around the dogs. You can also teach them commands as to not jump on you. I say "off", always reward with a treat after they have done the command or if no treat say good boy or girl.
If you have expensive things lying around where the dogs can get them then who is to blame if they get destroyed???? I say that to my kid's all the time as I have seen many of their toys destroyed and even some of my things. However, being that I am a mature human I am smarter and I teach the dog to behave how I want him to behave in my house. My dogs do not get on my furniture, another good thing if you are allergic. Keep them off the furniture and out of the bedroom. Make sure they have their own nice beds and that is where they sleep. In order to have things the way that you want them you are going to have to make sure " you" are the leader of the pack. Watch a few shows of Ceaser Milan, I find his shows very helpful when dealing with dogs and people and behavior in general.

Good Luck,
and I hope that though you are not a "dog person" that you do find some happiness with your new life and it becomes rewarding and fun instead of a burden. Dog's, especially poodles are very intelligent and can sense when someone doesn't want them around, and that's not a good thing I am sure if you had to live with someone that did not want to be around you it would affect you emotionally and you would not be happy and we all deserve to be happy.
 

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Unfortunately if you are living together the dogs will be there unless she makes the decision to not have them. I hope that is not the case and you can find some way to live together in harmony with her and the dogs.

As far as allergies go I too am allergic to dogs not as much with poodles because they have more human like hair than some dogs, and don't shed, however having said that no dog is hypo-allergenic and they still have saliva and lick you.
I chose to have poodles but that was my choice and I know your situation is different. When the dogs go to lick you have something there to deter therm , say a command like no, or leave it, and then have something in place to give them that is positive such as a fav. toy or something.
As far as your clothing I assume you don't wear your " best clothes" at all times so I would have them gated when you are coming and going in your nice clothes and when you come home after work or whatever you change before being around the dogs. You can also teach them commands as to not jump on you. I say "off", always reward with a treat after they have done the command or if no treat say good boy or girl.
If you have expensive things lying around where the dogs can get them then who is to blame if they get destroyed???? I say that to my kid's all the time as I have seen many of their toys destroyed and even some of my things. However, being that I am a mature human I am smarter and I teach the dog to behave how I want him to behave in my house. My dogs do not get on my furniture, another good thing if you are allergic. Keep them off the furniture and out of the bedroom. Make sure they have their own nice beds and that is where they sleep. In order to have things the way that you want them you are going to have to make sure " you" are the leader of the pack. Watch a few shows of Ceaser Milan, I find his shows very helpful when dealing with dogs and people and behavior in general.

Good Luck,
and I hope that though you are not a "dog person" that you do find some happiness with your new life and it becomes rewarding and fun instead of a burden. Dog's, especially poodles are very intelligent and can sense when someone doesn't want them around, and that's not a good thing I am sure if you had to live with someone that did not want to be around you it would affect you emotionally and you would not be happy and we all deserve to be happy.
very well put!! Good luck, and keep us posted on any advances!!
 

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I have nothing to add here other than my best wishes. Good luck. I can't imagine my husband not being ok with my dogs when we were dating. I doubt it would have worked between us if he hadn't been able to adjust to dog hair on his clothes and in his car. Good man.
 

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I’m going to be quite frank - If you are allergic to the dogs, staying with them could aggravate the allergy to a point where you have to get rid of the dogs.

If you want to wear expensive stuff – just realize that having pets (which is kinda like having children) can be messy (even thou you bathe them once a week or keep them indoors – they always find a stinky spot to rub on, or a puddle of mud) and they do sometimes destroy things no matter how well they are trained not too … PS: our Doberman just ate part of our new elliptical – unbelievable!)

I would say talk to your fiancé and tell her EXACTLY how you feel about the dogs BEFORE you get married. (Even thou you don’t want to hurt her feelings – it’s always better to understand exactly were someone is coming from than to find out later that they were not totally honest from the start – especially if your getting married).
(but then again I’m no expert on relationships – what to say a marriage counselor)

A little tip I’ve learned: It’s not what you say…. It’s how you say it!
Good luck with this one!!
 

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I agree with everything above. However, if my husband couldn't deal with my dogs that marriage would end in divorse. I would never even date someone that wouldn't cuddle with my pets and didn't LOVE dogs. Being a dog lover and not having a dog will not last long. Something will need to give and it probably wont be getting rid of or not owning dogs.
 

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My husband isn't a huge fan of inside dogs - something neither one of us even thought about when we were dating - but something that has caused HUGE stress on us now. Details like who will take care of feeding, bathing etc. that seem obvious now become more complicated when you have kids. You might get stuck with dog jobs that you formerly never had to do.
You can't really be hands off or have certain jobs you don't want to do at that point because once kids come along it is even more essential that you are a team in every aspect.
Even though this may seem small - it isn't! Are you willing to share your home and your nice things with the dogs? Without reminding your spouse of how you don't like it? It won't be fair if you sigh or roll your eyes anytime the dog does something frustrating and it will make your spouse feel torn between the two of you.
 

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I had a cat when my guy and I were first together and he is horribly allergic to them (ER visits).

Any way......when we married and moved in together....I luckily could have the cat live at my parent's home which was a ten minute walk, five minute drive from our apartment.

I visited her every day to give her attention and my folks took care of her.

She was already old at that time and we lived for four years that way until the cat died at the age of 19.

I couldn't hold the allergy against my guy and yet.....it was a sacrifice for me though one which was not all wrenching since I could still be with her a lot.

You and your fiance need to talk about what she sees as the future of your relationship and her relationship with her pets.
 

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Boy,that's a tough one.
If you will be living in one house with these dogs...you might want to make a habit of shedding your expensive wardrobe at the door and have some sweat pants ready.
As far as allergies...are you reacting to them now?
I think,that you need to have a really good heart to heart with your fiance about this.
Hopefully,you can resolve it.
I know,that if I was in the same situation....I would be showing someone the door....and it would not be Gunther:tongue:
 

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I have seen situations like this on the Dog Whisperer (Cesar Milan) I agree that the dogs can be trained not to jump or lick. Our minis are like that and I just won't put them on my lap. I say no or off! The dogs fellings won't be hurt if you let them know what is not acceptable. Cassie and Gabie still love me even though I am not a lap dog person. Maybe you could interact by walking them also. Get them tired out. Good luck!
 

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I'm going to be brutally honest. If you have to put her in the situation that its either you or her dogs, then break it off, there are a lot of fish in the sea who aren't dog lovers. Don't put her through having to seperate her from the main loves of her life. She'll later regret it if she even decides to relocate them.
 

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OLD THREAD ALERT!​

Thanks, PL!! :lol:

littlebluetrike - as a heads up - before you comment on a thread (which will bump it back up to the top of the recent threads) make sure you're commenting on a fairly recent one - especially if you're addressing the original poster. This thread was begun on March 5, 2009, and the original poster never posted again after the original comment.

To find out the dates of each comment, look to the left corner of each post - there will be a date and time there - if it's an old comment, it doesn't really pay to reply.

Thank you!! :)

Barb
 

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I'm not posting to upset anyone, I am just looking for some constructive help in dealing with my fiancee's dogs (miniature Poodle & Yorkie or Westie mix; but look mostly like Poodles).

My reasons for wanting to be left alone are:
  • Allergies - I am allergic to dog dander and saliva
  • Clothing - I wear expensive clothes/shoes and do not want them damaged or dirty
  • Anxiety - The dogs stress me out
My goal is to have the dogs give me my space and pretty much leave me and my effects alone prior to our being married and living together.

As it is now they are very demanding of attention, and if I ignore them they will paw at me or jump on me and ignoring them or turning away from them only exacerbates the behavior. Additionally, the younger one will paw at one's legs if it wants to be picked up and licks at people constantly (both exposed skin and clothing). The anxiety comes from the dogs neediness, having to wash where I've been licked before an allergic reaction develops, being followed and bothered incessantly when I'm at my fiancee's house.

I like the dogs okay don't hate them or anything like that and am nice to them, I just want to feel like I have some space and to not have to worry about a pair of expensive trousers or shoes being ruined. My fiancee knows I'm making an effort to adapt to the dogs and that I don't view them as family or children (and never will for that matter). I have been honest with her about some of the issues I have with the dogs but I don't want to hurt her feelings because she DOES think of them as her children and a part of her family. She knows I'm making an effort but I haven't emphasized how much of an effort it is for me, it's just something I feel like I have to deal with and manage and I want to do it the right way and not cause any issues with the dogs. Sorry this post is so long, I somewhat felt the need to go into detail to help keep the flames to a minimum.
Move on ... you and she will be better off without each other. The marriage will never work. She will eventually start to resent your attitude towards the dogs and you will start to resent everything she does for the dogs. It is a no win situation.
 

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OLD THREAD ALERT!​

Thanks, PL!! :lol:

littlebluetrike - as a heads up - before you comment on a thread (which will bump it back up to the top of the recent threads) make sure you're commenting on a fairly recent one - especially if you're addressing the original poster. This thread was begun on March 5, 2009, and the original poster never posted again after the original comment.

To find out the dates of each comment, look to the left corner of each post - there will be a date and time there - if it's an old comment, it doesn't really pay to reply.

Thank you!! :)

Barb
Didn't realize it was an old thread. They probably have already split up.
 

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LOLOL!!! I don't know how I can put a post at the BEGINNING of this thread to tell people it's a moldy-oldie!! It'll be interesting to see if anyone has any great ideas, but I think Fae is right... they're doomed!!

:)
 
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