[daabor]

Not that I have the energy to put into starting a new relationship. I lost my husband 8 years ago. I'm content with my life and love my Sammy so much! He structures my days, although I am going to work in person daily, my schedule revolves around him.

My daughter said that my relationship with my dog would make it impossible for me to ever connect with anyone. I am not looking to connect with anyone now, but would like to have a partner in life, in the future. She says this is impossible because of the close relationship I have with Sammy. Have any of you gone on to date/establish a relationship with someone while your poodle was also number one?

 

[Newport]

Yes, I had two dogs (Navy was one) when I met my husband. HE had two dogs, pugs, when we met. Two dog lovers fell in love and then we had a pack of dogs! So my advice is to only meet dog lovers when you are ready BTW, talking him into getting a poodle puppy (Violet) was the easiest thing ever.

 

[FloofyPoodle]

I've never been involved in any kind of romantic relationship, but dogs do make a good starting place to jump off of. Particularly if the other person is a breed fanatic. I made a good friend shortly after I moved to where I am now because I happened to mention that I had a Jack Russell, and they loved the breed, and the relationship went up from there. A teacher of mine was aloof until they found out I had the same breed--and then, all of a sudden, I was a model student, lol. It's about common ground for any relationship, I guess. Shoot, that's the whole purpose of this site, isn't it? One of my favorite books is 'how to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie--most of my social interactions are influenced by the principles in that book. My dad made me read it when I was about 10, and it's been with me ever since. Sometimes I remember to follow the rules from it, sometimes I don't, but overall, I think it helps a lot when trying to make friends or even go beyond that with people.

 

[Basil_the_Spoo]

It's not impossible to find dates because Basil's my wing girl conversation starter.

Take sammy to do obedience or leash manners around town and see what kind of conversations you spark beyond surface level... Or sit at a Starbucks outside to have Sammy sit while strangers pass by when your ready.

Your love for sammy just means you have a big heart and a big capacity to love.

 

[Fenris-wolf]

Hmmm, I might want to read that book.

 

[cowpony]

My daughter said that my relationship with my dog would make it impossible for me to ever connect with anyone.

This is the same daughter who moved in with her untrained puppy, who cops an attitude when you tell her to pay some attention to her kid and her dog, and who sticks you with the work while she goes out on the town?

Her statement sounds like bitter words rooted in envy. Envy at the stability you have carved out. Envy at your self reliance. Envy at your resilience in the face of hard times. All character traits she lacks. You lack a mate because you are widowed, not because of your relationship with your dog. You have a good relationship with your dog because you are a loving and responsible person. Yes, I'm sure you could go out and find an assortment of needy guys who can't handle sharing your affection with a poodle. Meh. Nobody needs to shack up with an emotional manchild.

 

[Fenris-wolf]

This is the same daughter who moved in with her untrained puppy, who cops an attitude when you tell her to pay some attention to her kid and her dog, and who sticks you with the work while she goes out on the town?

Her statement sounds like bitter words rooted in envy. Envy at the stability you have carved out. Envy at your self reliance. Envy at your resilience in the face of hard times. All character traits she lacks. You lack a mate because you are widowed, not because of your relationship with your dog. You have a good relationship with your dog because you are a loving and responsible person. Yes, I'm sure you could go out and find an assortment of needy guys who can't handle sharing your affection with a poodle. Meh. Nobody needs to shack up with an emotional manchild.

THIS. I am in the beginning of my first relationship, but I have seen unhealthy and toxic relationships all my life, so I am extremely careful about who comes into my life. @daabor you remind me of a person who I used talk to in my apartment complex. Also if no one can love you, and Sammy like how you do, they don't deserve you.

 

[PeggyTheParti]

100% yes.

Gracie was half poodle and the love of my life:

But the capacity to love is not finite, and we both easily made room in our life for my (now) husband:

My husband and I had a unique courtship. We met on Instagram almost ten years ago, and we got to know each other online for months before he eventually travelled from Oakland to Toronto for a visit.

That first night he spent at my place, only hours after she was officially introduced to him, Gracie chose to sleep with him instead of me. Lol. The nerve!

Watching your dog welcome someone new into your dynamic is such a special, precious thing. I'm excited for you to experience that with Sammy, but only when the right person comes along and it feels right for you.

 

[Vita]

Awe, PtP, you look so young and cute in that photo!

 

[Dianaleez]

It sounds as though your daughter is letting her own unhappiness control her life. It's difficult as a parent to see our children unhappy, but if we can, we have to separate ourselves. (I always remind myself that one trip through junior high was enough!)

If you click with someone in the future, a mere dog won't stop the music. If you don't, you'll still have Sammy.

 

[lily cd re]

I think that dogs are an important indicator of how a relationship will progress. Remember the movie "Must Love Dogs?" Love of companion animals and recognition of how enriching they are to our lives is an important shared/core value.

As to the younger folks here in addition to Dale Carnegie I highly recommend Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of HIghly Effective People.

 

[Raindrops]

I agree with these comments, though I personally feel that Misha has added to my life in a way that I no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. That doesn't mean I can't also have one. But he helps me to be mentally healthy in a way that isn't super dependent on another person. Which I think is very good.

 

[fjm]

"Love me, love my dog"...

 

[PeggyTheParti]

Awe, PtP, you look so young and cute in that photo!

7 years ago! Though I think I aged an extra 10 just in 2020.

 

[ThePoodlesMoody]

This might sound like a silly comparison, but single parents find love all the time! Those single parents are deeply in love with their kids and their schedules and a lot of their lives revolves around them. If single parents can date and find love, surely you and an adorable pooch can too! Especially because a poodle doesn't have those complicated step parent dynamics to deal with. Sammy can just have one more person to love on him!

 

[daabor]

PtP - You are so young ( and beautiful)! All the wisdom you have shared on this forum made me envision you as a much older woman.

Currently, I am content with my life. If a wonderful non-manchild, that was self-sufficient, happy in his own skin and an overall good person that was not too complicated knocked on my door, I would be interested in getting to know him and becoming friends. If a more in depth relationship were to result, that would be great, but at this time, I'm not looking for that or have the energy to invest into something that doesn't occur naturally. My daughter's comment just had me thinking and raindrops, I'm with you! I don't need a relationship.

I will post another thread with an update on how things are going in our house. It is actually going well!

 

[PeggyTheParti]

@daabor, you're such a darling. I was 34 and 33 in those photos....41 now. I sure don't feel wise! Mostly just tired. Lol. But I do love exchanging ideas here. We have such a wonderful group of members on Poodle Forum.

I like your current perspective on romantic relationships. And what a wonderful thing, to be feeling whole and steady, content and sure of one's self. Extra sweet knowing the role that Sammy has played in that!

I always say that Gracie made me brave. With her by my side, I took some wild leaps. And even when we moved across the border and across the continent, I always felt "home."

Such is the power of a great dog.

 

[katmcg86]

Not exactly what you asked daabor, but if you start dating someone your poodle doesn’t like, END IT!!! The poodle is always a reliable character judge.


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[NaturalPoodle]

before he eventually travelled from Oakland to Toronto for a visit.

PeggytheParti, are you a fellow Canuck then? I used to live in the Big Smoke

Back on topic, I personally agree that loving a dog that deeply indicates a great capacity for love in general.

 

[PeggyTheParti]

PeggytheParti, are you a fellow Canuck then? I used to live in the Big Smoke

Yep! Lived in and around Toronto for my first 34 years.