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Love poodles and missing my boy

6K views 56 replies 19 participants last post by  twyla 
#1 ·
Hi everyone,
My name is Jamie and I lost my precious boy Duke a month ago today. He was a beautiful brown toy poodle who lived until a day after his 15 th bday. He was so amazing and I miss him so much.
Since he was so perfect, I told myself I’d never get another pup after him. But I find myself longing for another little poodle. Well, I just want my boy back but I think he would want me to be happy and I think bringing another pup home could help. I miss caring for another being. Has anyone had this experience?
Thank you for reading.
Jamie
 
#38 ·
I'm glad you are doing things to take care of yourself. You've lost a 15 year relationship. Aside from losing your buddy, you've also lost the routine of caring for him, and you've probably lost the routine of lots of other stuff you did pre-covid. I don't know about you, but idleness and loss of control tend to do a number on me mentally.

A new puppy won't immediately fix the hole left by Duke. However, the puppy will start giving you a purpose, a new routine, and things to think about other than that hole. It's like the first awkward conversations with someone who might turn into a friend. You don't have a relationship yet. With enough persistence, though, you discover shared interests and build a bond.

In your shoes the question I would ask myself is whether I was in a mindset which will let me roll with puppy naughtiness. If I'm in a good mood it's no big deal if the puppy nibbles on the binding of my high school yearbook or pees on a rug my mother gave me. If I'm in fragile mood having a puppy damage these links to my past is overwhelming.
 
#40 ·
I'm glad you are doing things to take care of yourself. You've lost a 15 year relationship. Aside from losing your buddy, you've also lost the routine of caring for him, and you've probably lost the routine of lots of other stuff you did pre-covid. I don't know about you, but idleness and loss of control tend to do a number on me mentally.

A new puppy won't immediately fix the hole left by Duke. However, the puppy will start giving you a purpose, a new routine, and things to think about other than that hole. It's like the first awkward conversations with someone who might turn into a friend. You don't have a relationship yet. With enough persistence, though, you discover shared interests and build a bond.

In your shoes the question I would ask myself is whether I was in a mindset which will let me roll with puppy naughtiness. If I'm in a good mood it's no big deal if the puppy nibbles on the binding of my high school yearbook or pees on a rug my mother gave me. If I'm in fragile mood having a puppy damage these links to my past is overwhelming.
Thank you for your reply. I agree that it's such a huge loss, and the loss of routine for me is a huge one. Especially with my big boy Duke, who had diabetes, so we were on a very rigid schedule for the past three years. I miss it. I still think to myself the times on the clock (6:05pm and 6:05am) when I would give him his breakfast and dinner and insulin injections. Of course I hated his diabetes but I miss caring for my little boy.

Today I feel very anti-puppy. Yesterday I was pro-puppy. It's hard going up and down like this. I agree that it would be hard if I'm in an anti-puppy mood to deal with puppy naughtiness. I always let Duke get away with everything, but he was so well behaved as an old man (and a total terror as a puppy!). Thanks for your kind words.
 
#42 ·
Dear DukeForever,

I am just now seeing your thread on your loss of your dear Duke. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope when the time is right, you will be able to connect with a good breeder who will help you pick the right puppy for you. Living alone can be so lonely, especially when you are used to sharing your life with a dog. Consider that getting the right puppy is often a long slow process, particularly with Covid. If you break it down into steps (finding a breeder, making a deposit, waiting while trying not to stress about it, getting the news that a litter has arrived, getting a photo, going for a meet and greet, bringing puppy home) you can see that you will have time for grieving, and time for preparing. Also, you can always change your mind at the last moment (but you probably won't!). I think getting a puppy in a measured, thoughtful way is another way to take care of yourself- show yourself the lovingkindness that Duke would give to you if he could.

When we get a new puppy or dog, do we have to love it right away? No. We need to respect, honor and care for the dog, but we can allow the love to grow at its own pace.

Recently another PF member, Liz, recommended a book called Separate Lifetimes (thank you, Liz!). I ordered it for my husband and I because it is looking like our pug's days are growing short, and it speaks to the grief we feel when we lose a beloved pet. Perhaps you might enjoy it too.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would have it no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."
— Irving Townsend
 
#43 ·
Dear DukeForever,

I am just now seeing your thread on your loss of your dear Duke. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I hope when the time is right, you will be able to connect with a good breeder who will help you pick the right puppy for you. Living alone can be so lonely, especially when you are used to sharing your life with a dog. Consider that getting the right puppy is often a long slow process, particularly with Covid. If you break it down into steps (finding a breeder, making a deposit, waiting while trying not to stress about it, getting the news that a litter has arrived, getting a photo, going for a meet and greet, bringing puppy home) you can see that you will have time for grieving, and time for preparing. Also, you can always change your mind at the last moment (but you probably won't!). I think getting a puppy in a measured, thoughtful way is another way to take care of yourself- show yourself the lovingkindness that Duke would give to you if he could.

When we get a new puppy or dog, do we have to love it right away? No. We need to respect, honor and care for the dog, but we can allow the love to grow at its own pace.

Recently another PF member, Liz, recommended a book called Separate Lifetimes (thank you, Liz!). I ordered it for my husband and I because it is looking like our pug's days are growing short, and it speaks to the grief we feel when we lose a beloved pet. Perhaps you might enjoy it too.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would have it no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."
— Irving Townsend
Thank you so much Newport for your reply. I will check out the book you recommend. I am so sorry that your pug's days are growing short....it is so hard having to say goodbye. Also, I love the quote....it is so, so true. If I could do it all over again I would never change a thing! I'd go through this all over again if it meant keeping Duke in my life. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Thanks again,

Jamie
 
#45 ·
I have a big spoo puppy, but my last dog was a cocker spaniel who had to be euthanized at age 15. It is so hard to be suddenly alone after so long with your beloved companion! It sounds to me like you are deeply grieving right now, it might be best to allow yourself some time for healing before getting another dog.

I’ve found PF to be a very supportive place—please post pics of your beloved friend and let us all know how things are going. When you‘re ready for a new pup, everyone here will be cheering you on!
 
#47 ·
Hi everyone,
My name is Jamie and I lost my precious boy Duke a month ago today. He was a beautiful brown toy poodle who lived until a day after his 15 th bday. He was so amazing and I miss him so much.
Since he was so perfect, I told myself I’d never get another pup after him. But I find myself longing for another little poodle. Well, I just want my boy back but I think he would want me to be happy and I think bringing another pup home could help. I miss caring for another being. Has anyone had this experience?
Thank you for reading.

Jamie
I lost my 5 pound brown boy toy poodle 9 days ago. Still crying. It was a bit sudden. Kidney failure. I had to put him down. He could not lie down to sleep, he could not breathe. Still kissed me while so sick. He was 15. But I can not have another. It would just be too painful. I have lost dogs before. But this time my heart is so broken. He used to cry when he could not see me. Now I understand. I am crying for him. I don't feel like I will ever heal. It's not getting better. He is buried in our yard. So hard not to have him with me. I hope he is in heaven, and not just gone.
 
#49 ·
Welcome to PF.

Your grief is known and understood here. It takes much time to heal. Even when the pain eases, we always miss them.

The amazing thing is the strength of that love. I believe that love is an energy that lives on. How could something so strong and deep not?
 
#53 ·
I lost my service dog Honey in July of 2015 and brought home Noelle December 19, 2015. I needed the time and space to grieve before I was ready to make a new bond. My husband's dog passed away in December 2015. He waited 12 days before getting a new puppy. His heart needed a new puppy to heal. My daughter's cat passed away on December 14, 2019. She got a new kitten December 15, 2019 because life without a cat was unthinkable to her.

There is no right way to grieve. We all grieve in our own different ways. Grief is as much a part of life as laughter, but it hurts so badly to lose your dog. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you're here.
 
#57 ·
@Ivyann I lost my Beatrice October 27th, she was 7 1/2 years she battle cancer for over 2 years, I was heartbroken and I felt really cheated and didn't want another dog. I do have two other at the moment.
 
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