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The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:



TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...
 

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I totally identify with both the bathroom and bed thing...I cannot tell you how many times I am woken up by a tail, tongue or rear end.

The worst is when you wake up, don't know why...then about 2 seconds later you realize that a dog or cat has passed gas with a smell so bad it has woken you up from a dead sleep.

We keep a baby gate up to keep the dogs out of the bathroom...where the litter boxes are...but they certainly do guard it to make sure I don't sneak past them.

I have a cat that about kills me going up or down the stairs at least once a week, I have fallen down the stairs more times than any drinking person I know.

Ahhh, I love my babies! LOL They drive me nuts but they are my kids with fur...even though some have lots more fur than others!
 

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I cannot tell you how many times I am woken up by a tail, tongue or rear end.
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At least you get the tongue and tail.
I seem to only get the rear end.
He gets very irritated,when I try to move him.
He also likes to bug me when I read in bed.
And then,in the morning he is the laziest poodle in the world.
About 10 yawns,15 careful stretches...takes him forever to wake up...deffinetely not a morning dog.
 
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