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Today you would have been 15.

I'm not sure how exactly to mark the occasion, but I find myself reflecting on the last December 18th I spent without you. It was 2004. I was 25. The idea of ever being 40 (!!) was preposterous. The idea of YOU was just a quiet wish that I didn't think could come true until some far-off, imaginary day when I finally felt "together enough" or "adult enough."

Well, I still don't feel together enough. I don't even feel adult enough. But with you by my side, I felt capable of doing it all anyway.

And now the idea of you not being here is the preposterous one.

Happy birthday. Thank you for everything.
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