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For those who don't know my Beatrice has terminal cancer, this past week she has been refusing to walk on her lead.

I wholeheartedly believe my sweet Bea is calling me on the emotional B.S. something she has done since she was a puppy, she won't budge unless I am calm and de-stressed.

Oh baby I am stressed
my asthma went haywire in May
Sweet Beatrice had surgery and got diagnosed with cancer in June.
July was a kicker it ended with a facial abscess, root canal the same week my estranged sister passed ( I hadn't seen her much in the last 40 yrs so very awkward on to how to feel about that)
August was more of fixing that bum tooth. At work they fired 2 people yesterday, there were good reasons but no less stressful.

Of course my Beatrice being who she is called me out more than once, she has taught me so much about being calm and living in the now.

This last week was bloody hard, because no matter what I want my Bea to enjoy every second she has left and not worry about me.

Oi sorry for the ramble
 

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Hugs to you and your gang. I guess a few of us have had a few challenging months. n a good note Renn is behaving much better, he needed more exercise and since I have been giving it to him he is so much better. Earlier this year my daughter #2 failed her nursing program, then decided to work at a long term care facility until she decided what to do with her life well since working there she developed a lung infection that took three courses of antibiotic and prednisone to get it somewhat better but the cough lingered on. X-ray & cat scan showed still infection and a tumors in her ovary. Work said she hadn't been there at year so they were unsure if job could be held while she was out for two weeks following her surgery. So she quit. It just wasn't worth it for such little money, working nights when still sick with cough. Low & behold after about 4 days theSo for once she is happy. Daughter #1 plugs along but is well. Husband took a turn with his kidneys. He is now ESRF stage 5 and is getting ready for dialysis. Me I have cataracts and will have both eyes done next month a week apart and I need a tooth extracted and a bridge for 3 teeth, over $3000. Who knows what tBut we keep going. I have been trying to ready my house. Took me two days to completely clean master bedroom, that is where he will do his dialysis. I've really let things go so now I have lots to do and the yard on top of it all.
ps Astas mom.. thanks for thinking of me I pm you but I'm not so sure my messages go thru. Nothing is in my sent box. Anyway this post will update you. Daughter #2 is doing good and handling it all in stride. Well Twyla I hope things get better for you. I know its hard knowing how ill Bea is b ut you seem to have a handle on it so keep enjoying each day you re given. Well I am totally bet so I will hit the shower & then my pillow.
 

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How hard to be calm after all you have been going through. I too believe that emotions carry both up and down the leash.Take care of yourself and Miss Bea - may you find some stress free cuddle time.
 

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I'm so sorry for everything you are going through, twyla :'( With your health, Bea's health, and your sister's passing (complicated grief can certainly be even more painful than normal grief), you have been through a LOT. You know your PF family is always here for you, and if it's feasible, some counseling might help too to process everything. Sending you and Bea (and the other babies) big hugs.
 

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I’m so sorry, twyla, that you’ve had a bad draw on your own health and dental. I’ve been struggling with allergies and more bad air quality alerts than ever. Stress does travel up and down the leash, and controlled, relaxed breathing calms both ends. You have to be able to breathe for that to happen. Find a dentist like mine, that is IM relentless about appointments. Feel better, you:)
 

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(((Hugs)))
 
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Discussion Starter #7
it's feasible, some counseling might help too to process everything. .
Thanks MF, I do see a counselor.

I have found some solace in speaking to long time family friends... yeah ya know the kind that "know you" and your family.

I belong to a cancer support group for dogs, that helps as well.

Today was a decompression of sorts, .

With Bea I worry at times that the time has come, she has a weird gait and has trouble getting up onto furniture without help, she uses pet stairs at home and I got a bed for work. Bea sleeps like the dead at times during the day, she is tired a lot, her body is oddly shaped now but occasionally like yesterday morning she ran around briefly like a poodle zoomies of old, she mooches food at work and I let her, she shakes down my co-workers for snackies.

I am trying to figure out how much of what Beatrice is doing is being the emotionally sensitive poodle and how much is the cancer. it truly sucks that no one can tell me how long she has or what the cancer will be doing to her, all I know is that the Lymphangiosarcoma has edema and soft fatty sarcoma tumors and that it will spread, well she has that and it's done that.
 

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I am so sorry. That is a whole LOT to process for any one person. Your pup is doing her job no matter what her own circumstances. Dogs are like that. They see more than we do, know more than we do, sense everything going on with us no matter what we try to do. I bet if she could tell you, she'd say the only thing she would change is to make your world right for you. That's the beauty of being a dog. Sending you & your dogs big hugs.
 

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Oiy, just more than you deserve to deal with, especially all piled up on top of each other. But boy do our dogs keep us honest or what? Sweet Bea watching out for you....
 
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You have had such a rough summer. I’m so sorry things aren’t easier for you. I truly believe Bea will let you know when it’s time to let her go.

Maybe going for a walk now is a little too much for her. Maybe she just wants to enjoy resting more and watching people she loves and being places she likes.

Try not to worry too much. You’ve been such a good mom, and Bea has had such a good life, and she still has an amazing life.

Hugs.
 

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Warm hugs from across the ocean. Not knowing how things will progress for Bea, and not being able to do anything to change the outcome, are perhaps the most stressful part of it.
 
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thank you everyone for your kind words, I am feeling better. Sometimes I get a bit world weary.

I won't delude myself Beatrice does have terminal cancer, but now that I am happier and more relaxed she is more herself, she will continue to join me at work.
 

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I hope the better days continue. I am facing similar issues with my cats; in one way it is easier, as they are both 16 and have lived long and happy lives, but their age also means that they are a link to memories of my parents and other happy times. We know grief is waiting for us, some time in the not so distant future - all we can do is make today as good as possible.
 

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Well said fjm.
 
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