Poodle Forum banner

1 - 20 of 54 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I have a 4 month old standard and he does not cuddle. He never has been a cuddler. When he sleeps it’s on an air vent never next to any of us. He’s great in the crate so no complaints there. He does not like being held or even petted all the much. Doesn’t give hardly any affection and no kisses. Is this normal? He is with my family of 5 so he gets play time, attention, 2 small walks a day. We do training twice a day. I know it’s silly but does my dog not like us?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
306 Posts
Dogs that were not picked up and cuddled as puppies do not see it as something normal. Some breeds like the contact, some don't. Standard poodles tend to be gregarious, but not touchy. I would give him a lot of petting and rubbing and playing. He is going to get big and you may be glad later that he is not in your lap.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,527 Posts
Mine did not like to cuddle much when he was between 4-9 months. He slowly became more cuddly but only on his terms. What helped was me learning to respect his boundaries. He doesn't like to be messed with when he is resting. So he doesn't want to be pet or for you to move if he is lying near or on you. At first I felt lucky to have him simply sleeping on a couch near me. Slowly he became happy getting closer to me and eventually he wanted to always be right next to me or on me. But still prefers not to be pet.

The best way to bond with your dog is to respect what he wants and enjoys. Don't force things on him if he doesn't like it. It's normal for puppies to be less affectionate. The bond develops over time.

I also find my dog is happier being pet where his hair is short. Like on his face and neck where it is shaved, and if I shave his body down he is instantly more snuggly. I think he likes it when he can feel more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,395 Posts
My very first dog in my life was more independent (she was a poodle mix). She was very smart, loved training sessions, and loved to play. We got her when I was a kid, so I picked her up often and had her sit in my lap (as a puppy and adult dog), but it wasn't something she initiated. She moved away when she wasn't interested in being pet anymore. When she wasn't playing or training, she frequently sat across the room from us, watching and waiting for something exciting to happen. It actually worked out well, because we never had separation anxiety issues with her. She definitely taught me that a dog does not have to be super attached to be a wonderful dog. I would just say to give him time, and keep building a relationship with your dog. :)
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
3,320 Posts
I'll offer an alternative option and hope I don't get beat up for this. Some people need a temperamentally affectionate dog and most poodles fulfill that need. Others prefer one that is independent. Only you know what your needs are and collaborate well with your children; how you view him might not be exactly how all of them view him. Maybe he favors one of them over other family members which does happen.

Or let's say no one in family feels that Teddy has attached to them and they're not sure he's the right dog. Since Teddy is only 4 months old, it would be very easy to sell him to great home (possibly with only with one adult in the household) that wants an independent puppy, and then to purchase of naturally affectionate puppy that loves kids.

Poodles live a very long time, and if you're unhappy with him, he'll feel it and be unhappy too. This is because poodles are very sensitive whether they're affectionate or more detached. It's fairer to both of you to place him with the right home while he's at toddler age which will free him, and you to find the right poodle or dog for you.

If you try this course of action, try to find a breeder with children that had a lot of hands on activities with the litter, and closely watch how the puppy interacts with them and with you.

Good luck regardless of what you decide.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
To b honest he’s never been cuddly. I don’t know whether that’s a blessing or a curse. No one in our family thinks he likes them. He may choose me more but I’m food lady, clean up crew, and play/training gal.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
1,456 Posts
Sleeping on the air vent probably means he's hot. Who likes to snuggle when the weather is sticky and gross?
Dogs vary. Pogo loves snuggling with my husband; he politely tolerates attention from anyone else. Snarky loved snuggling with Pogo as a pup and switched to people as an adult. My boy Galen is less of a snuggler than either Snarky or Pogo were at his age. He lies there for a few seconds. Then he starts wiggling, then chewing, then he jump down and races around. I think the close contact over-stimulates him. I've never encouraged kisses from any dog, and so far Galen doesn't seem to want to be a kisser. We are in alignment, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Sleeping on the air vent probably means he's hot. Who likes to snuggle when the weather is sticky and gross?
Dogs vary. Pogo loves snuggling with my husband; he politely tolerates attention from anyone else. Snarky loved snuggling with Pogo as a pup and switched to people as an adult. My boy Galen is less of a snuggler than either Snarky or Pogo were at his age. He lies there for a few seconds. Then he starts wiggling, then chewing, then he jump down and races around. I think the close contact over-stimulates him. I've never encouraged kisses from any dog, and so far Galen doesn't seem to want to be a kisser. We are in alignment, lol.
I’m always hot so understand that totally! Even before it got hot here in NC he’d sleep under kitchen table or kitchen. 🤷🏻‍♀️
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,633 Posts
Dogs that were not picked up and cuddled as puppies do not see it as something normal. Some breeds like the contact, some don't. Standard poodles tend to be gregarious, but not touchy. I would give him a lot of petting and rubbing and playing. He is going to get big and you may be glad later that he is not in your lap.
LOL, some are not cuddles, mine was not as a baby, he was just too active unless he was asleep. However now at 2 1/2 and 68 lbs, he doesn't think twice about hopping on my lap putting his head on my chest for cuddles.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,103 Posts
Peggy didn't start cuddling until her first heat at 8 months.

But! We established an affectionate foundation by feeding her some meals by hand in her indoor exercise pen. This process inevitably led to her draping herself across our laps as she got sleepy, so she could keep eating while also lounging. Or we'd hold a bully stick for her or a Himalayan yak cheese.

Even though we didn't see results right away, she was quietly learning that cozy contentment and human contact go hand-in-hand.

Now it's hard to relax without a poodle pressed against us. My husband just went to lay down with a headache:

467366
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Peggy didn't start cuddling until her first heat at 8 months.

But! We established an affectionate foundation by feeding her some meals by hand in her indoor exercise pen. This process inevitably led to her draping herself across our laps as she got sleepy, so she could keep eating while also lounging. Or we'd hold a bully stick for her or a Himalayan yak cheese.

Even though we didn't see results right away, she was quietly learning that cozy contentment and human contact go hand-in-hand.

Now it's hard to relax without a poodle pressed against us. My husband just went to lay down with a headache:

View attachment 467366
Awe Pegs ♥
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
5,103 Posts
No one in our family thinks he likes them.
Lol. I said the same thing about Peggy. But, like human babies, puppies tend to take more than they actively give. You don't hold that against a baby, do you? Nope. You keep caring for them, making sure they have everything they need, slowwwwly slowly building a solid foundation not only for your relationship, but for their happy, healthy adulthood.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
1,456 Posts
About two weeks ago I was really upset and a little angry with Galen for not being Snarky. Silly, no? I miss Snarky's snout bumps, the way he would pretzel around and between my legs when he was happy to see me, the way he sneezed when he thought I had made a good doggy joke. Galen just eats inordinate amounts of food, pees on my floors, and barks when he isn't getting what he wants. He doesn't love me the way Snarky loved me. My conscience obviously then turned itself on and told me to stop being an idiot. Galen is a baby, and it took many years for my relationship with Snarky to develop.

I'm my opinion there's a difference between neediness and affection. Neediness has no thought to it. Pogo was a very needy little puppy. He would cry and wail and carry on if we were any distance from him. I have many memories of driving somewhere with him shrieking from the back seat. Snarky was even worse. I think he would have developed full blown separation anxiety if he hadn't had Pogo and if we hadn't set them up with a very consistent routine. Even so, I wouldn't say that this fear of being alone was love. It was just neediness.

It took a long time for this neediness to shift over to something I'd call real affection. We would see glimpses of it early on: stopping in the middle of play to glance over at us, flopping on the floor near us instead of anywhere in the house, tail wags when we came home. For Pogo I'd say the real change came when I enrolled him in an obedience class. He discovered he really liked to work. Partnering with me grew out of it. Then my job started demanding longer hours, so he switched his affection to my husband. Pogo's perfect partner must be willing to play fetch or train him for hours, and I just wasn't putting out. Snarky was more of a cuddler, so he moved in on me when Pogo switched. Not being a worker, he was happy to lie on my bed for hours as I did computer work.

After I recovered from the little "my favorite dog is dead" self pity party, I reconsidered my interactions with Galen. He isn't as needy as either Pogo or Snarky. He gets angry, not scared, when I leave him alone. Yet, I'm seeing the same early glimpses of bonding I saw with them. He was spinning in delight after I praised him lavishly for solving a hard training problem. He runs over to me after his morning pee with an expression of, "I'm ready now, what's next?" While playing fetch he hurtles a six inch French drain like a horse leaping a water hazard in the Olympics, and I laugh at the joy he gets from showing off.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
So maybe it’s a blessing and he’s comfortable sleeping on his own? He’s great in the crate. He has never had an issue or fusses much. So maybe those things compliment each other? 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s a handful tho. I’m majorly struggling. 😔
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
737 Posts
He's not showing human-style affection. That doesn't mean that he's not feeling dog affection or at least good feelings toward his family.

Odds are he thinks he's being a great pack member.

Our Irish Setter wasn't an affectionate puppy, but as an adult, he taught himself to hug. When I'd sit on the sofa, he'd place a leg on either side of me and lean in. His terms...his way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,611 Posts
Mine are mpoos. Your description of his behavior sounds pretty familiar to me. I wasn't sure our boys were ever going to be cuddlers but it started happening with both maybe somewhere around 6 months.

Once they started tho, it's now almost impossible to sit down without a poo or two in varying states of on lap or along side legs.

There really isn't a lot of petting, but there are belly rubs and toe tickling and ear rubbing. I keep a comb and pin brush on a side table, in reach so I don't have to disturb a dozy boy and use them instead of petting.

Somewhere along the way though, they chose us back. When we talk to them, they now look into our eyes, heads tilting, looking like they so much want to talk back.

According to Dr. Brian Hare, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Duke University and a member of the Center for Cognitive Neuroscience, states that when humans and dogs stare into each others eyes, oxytocin is released, as with human to human. He describes it as "hugging us with their eyes".
 
1 - 20 of 54 Posts
Top