Poodle Forum banner

Aloof poodles in public

3K views 22 replies 17 participants last post by  For Want of Poodle 
#1 ·
Lately, in stores, on walks, in parks, on hikes, etc - Annie has zero desire to meet people. She isn't aggressive or afraid, just not interested. Aloof. She has started to sometimes duck away from attempts to pet her head, too, which is apparently irresistible even when I ask people not to go for the head! She is almost 3, very much an adult dog now and her lack of interest has been slowly growing for a long time.

I am going to start denying most requests to pet her as I don't think it's fair to ask it of her if she doesn't enjoy it.

She is still super happy to meet friends/guests, just not interested in strangers.

So - how do you deal with requests to pet your aloof poodle in public?

Trying to figure out the right words for Annie. 'Sorry, no, she thinks you are really boring' is probably not it!

It's particularly tricky in stores, I think. I don't want to imply she is aggressive and shouldn't be in the store.

Edit - I wonder if we get a higher proportion of non dogsavvy people asking, since she looks so calm and non threatening while she politely ignores them! I have noticed many non dog owners are nervous of the enthusiastically happy dogs.
 
See less See more
#2 ·
I have to say no to people, my poodles don't like being patted and loomed over.
If they ask if my dog bites I politely say no but I do.
 
#6 ·
There is no reason why Annie has to have rude people touch her.

Keep it simple, “no, please don’t”…. And if people don’t listen, stick your hand up in a Stop ✋. That stops people including little kids. You don’t owe then any explanation.
 
#10 ·
Snarky loved people and would pretzel himself around legs at any opportunity. Pogo was aloof. My current pair are unpredictable, although Galen seems to have decided he doesn't like being patted on the head either. He usually makes his preferences known by backing up if he doesn't want to interact. I've found people who can't read that gesture are usually the hopeless sort who think a dog MUST submit to any sort of fondling a human demands. I've had some success by saying he has an ear infection and shouldn't be touched. Germs succeed where manners don't.
 
#11 ·
Some dogs like being petted by strangers, others don't. We, as their advocates need to respect their natures and back them up in their choices. Zephyr loves being petted, will go and lean against complete strangers and love them up while they pet him, but some people he does not want to approach, will give them the stink eye and walk around them. I never try to get him to approach if he doesn't want to.

This is an article by Suzanne Clothier, it is a free article on her website so I felt OK to post it here. It is about other dogs approaching yours, but I think it goes just as well for people trying to pet your dog.

He Just Wants to Say HI! – Suzanne Clothier/Carpe Canem Inc.

A never ending source of frustration and distress for so many dogs & people, the unwanted approach by another dog (on or off lead). I tackled this in depth way back in 1994. Now available as a free e-book, "He Just Wants to Say HI!" has been around the world and I've lost count of how often & in what languages the original article has been translated.

Here's the opening of the free e-book, "He Just Wants to Say HI!"

Sitting quietly on the mall bench beside my husband, I was minding my own business when the man approached. I glanced up as the man sat next to me. He was a bit close for my comfort, so I edged a little closer to my husband who, busy reading a book, ignored me. Still feeling a bit uncomfortable with the strange man so close, I then turned my head slightly away from him, politely indicating I was not interested in any interaction. To my horror, the man leaned over me and began licking my neck while rudely groping me.

When I screamed and pushed him away, my trouble really began. My husband angrily threw me to the ground, yelling at me "Why did you do that? He was only trying to be friendly and say hi! What a touchy witch you are! You're going to have to learn to behave better in public."

People all around us stared and shook their heads sadly. I heard a few murmuring that they thought my husband should do something about my behavior; some even mentioned that he shouldn't have such a violent woman out in public until I'd been trained better. As my husband dragged me to the car, I noticed that the man who had groped me had gone a bit further down the mall and was doing the same thing to other women.

This is a silly scenario, isn't it? First, anyone who knows me knows that I would never be in a mall except under considerable duress. More seriously, no rational human being would consider my response to the man's rudeness as inappropriate or vicious. By invading my personal space, the man crossed the lines of decent, civilized behavior; my response would be considered quite justified.

That my husband might punish me for responding to such rudeness by screaming and pushing the offender away is perhaps the most ridiculous aspect of this scenario. If he were to act in this way, there would be no doubt in the minds of even the most casual observers that his ego was of far greater importance than my safety or comfort, and that he was sorely lacking even rudimentary empathy for how I might be feeling in this situation.

Fortunately for me, this scenario is completely imaginary. Unfortunately for many dogs, it is a very real scenario that is repeated far too often. Inevitably, as the owners who have allowed their dogs to act rudely retreat from the situation, there are comments made about "that aggressive dog" (meaning the dog whose space had been invaded) and the classic comment, usually said in hurt tones, "He only wanted to say hi!"
 
#12 ·
People and dogs don’t like their heads being touched….

Many dogs do enjoy attention and petting if it’s done where they want it… on their back, or scratchies under the chin, neck or chest area. It’s okay to tell people where to pet so both enjoy the activity. Ask them to approach from the side, and not lean over the dogs head.

I’m currently training my puppy Theo to not only accept but enjoy being petted on his head. I wouldn’t do this except “sit for exam” in AKC Beginner Novice Obedience requires the dog to sit quietly while the judge pats their head. Judges always come from the side to pet unlike most strangers who come from the front and lean over the dog to pet. This is less threatening to the dog.

I loved watching this video a few years ago, both of my dogs love petting and attention but not all do and they give off signals like Annie’s ducking away, Rusty shying away and Basil and Galen’s backing up. Are they shying away from head petting or all petting in general? Respect the wishes of your dog.

 
#13 · (Edited)
I think poodles suffer unwelcome attention more than many breeds because people want to know what their hair feels like. They often just dive in with no ask. If that happens often enough I think any poodle can become headshy. I also don't think we owe any protracted explanation. I either say please don't touch the dog or will perhaps say that the dog is in training (or maybe shy) depending on the particulars of the moment. If children are involved I tell the child they should never approach or touch a strange dog since the dog won't understand their approach. I make sure my "speech" to the child is heard and acknowledged by an accompanying adult. Generally though I don't think we owe big explanations, just a polite no touch.
 
#14 ·
Don't worry - I am certainly not forcing her to stand still and accept petting! She won't approach people without permission, which is something she started when she was maybe 6 months old as I worked on ignoring people on leash, so I have to give her a cue to get her to approach people. ('Go see' is the same cue I use to allow her to investigate a garbage can. Hmm...)

Answering questions/comments in no particular order...

Annie does like the sniffing part of the greeting process, which is why I have let this go on. Because of COVID, people are pretty far away, so I give her the length of the 6' leash to chose to approach or retreat as needed and we move on if she backs away, chooses to retreat behind me or not approach, and I say something like 'Looks like she isn't interested today!'

But I watch her body language closely, and lately it's been 'meh, the sniff isn't worth putting up with being touched!' more often which makes me want to put her through this less often.

It's usually 'What a lovely dog, can I pet her?' rather than rude people barging up on us. It's often seniors, or people my age or a bit younger. So I certainly don't want to be rude to them or make them feel badly for asking. I very much understand being dog free and aching for contact, particularly during COVID. When I was living alone, the only human or animal touch I would have for weeks or months at a time would be other people's dogs, once in a blue moon. For some of them, I think conversation with someone is as much the goal as petting the dog.

A simple unadorned 'no' would feel really rude to me. I am the sort of person that apologizes to doors when I bump into them, or to people who bump into me - saying sorry for something in Canada isn't even legally an admission of guilt.

Rude people are much easier to say no to! But luckily, I can probably count on one hand the number of times someone has tried to pet Annie on leash without asking permission. Both of us dodge people automatically.

I keep Annie on the other side of me from people on walks/hikes, and either on the other side of me or behind me in stores, and on a short leash as we pass by. Even ignoring Annie's preferences, I think it's rude to let your dog interfere with other people.

I don't think Annie is particularly headshy. She pushes people she knows to get her nose and forehead and top of head rubbed and is fine with me slipping a martingale or a coat over her head. She loves having her head brushed and has no issues with me scissoring it. I grab her head and nose and ears all the time and it's something we have practiced. She is fine with the vet or an acquaintance inspecting her head/ears. She's not interested in strangers touching her back much either, just particularly dislikes the head.

So... What to say to people?

I really don't like casual/social lies (which limits this).

'No' is too abrupt, bordering on rude.

"She's in training' feels like a lie, and makes me feel like I need to be able to answer what she is in training for! Ugh.

I like 'she's shy' as an excuse for no. Though shy makes me think fearful (like Trixie) which isn't really true...

Maybe simply, 'Sorry, no - she's a weird dog and isn't a fan of petting,' with a laugh.

Maybe 'Probably not, she isn't interested in pets,
but she'd be happy to sniff you over and let you tell her how pretty she is!" to the right person.
 
#15 ·
Maybe 'Probably not, she isn't interested in pets,
but she'd be happy to sniff you over and let you tell her how pretty she is!" to the right person.
Yeah - I often say how much Oona likes being admired - I think it softens the refusal by acknowledging their interest plus she actually likes it - "She's a little shy about touching but she loves to be admired and talked to"

When she is invited to say hi, Oona usually does an investigative sniff and then runs back to me expecting a treat, lol. But if she is being admired she's likelier to engage with the person by wagging her tail or offering a lick. She sometimes surprises me by staying around enough to get a few pets especially with someone like a neighbor she has greeted multiple times.
 
#16 ·
Using a hand target similar to your “go see” might be a good option to let Annie smell people without being pet. People will still get some interaction with her but they will have very clear guidelines for where their hands should be (not in tempting topknots).

I’ve been working on something similar with Reggie to help build his confidence around people. If he seems interested in meeting someone, the person puts a flat hand next to their leg and Reggie does a nose touch and immediately comes back for a treat.
 
#17 ·
Raffi is very much the same, although it started earlier (or maybe just went faster?) with him. Covid was perfect for him lol.
He likes children and is happy to be petted by them- but being quite tall most kids are liable to reach for his (deliciously floofy) chest. That probably helps. He tolerates some people more than others, and is the king of side-eye. He does adore closer friends. And yeah, the not-so-dog-loving of my friends/visitors tend to highly appreciate Raffi and his indifference. He's been perfect to help my nephew who is quite scared of dogs, but willing to gingerly pat Raffi.
Anyways, my line is either "You can offer him a treat and see if he's interested, he prefers chest rubs", or "Sorry, he's not really interested in meeting new people", depending on the vibe I get from him. I like "he's not interested" as it doesn't go so far as shy or not liking, but quite accurately explains his 'feelings'.
 
#18 ·
I tell people that Tekno doesn’t like petting but he will boop their hands if they put it out for him (nose-touch). Tekno knows when I say “go say hi” to give the person a boop and come back to me. It works pretty well for those determined to interact. I also have him wear a vest that says “in training” and “no petting please” when I don’t feel like moderating lol
 
#19 ·
Lately, in stores, on walks, in parks, on hikes, etc - Annie has zero desire to meet people. She isn't aggressive or afraid, just not interested. Aloof. She has started to sometimes duck away from attempts to pet her head, too, which is apparently irresistible even when I ask people not to go for the head! She is almost 3, very much an adult dog now and her lack of interest has been slowly growing for a long time.

I am going to start denying most requests to pet her as I don't think it's fair to ask it of her if she doesn't enjoy it.

She is still super happy to meet friends/guests, just not interested in strangers.

So - how do you deal with requests to pet your aloof poodle in public?

Trying to figure out the right words for Annie. 'Sorry, no, she thinks you are really boring' is probably not it!

It's particularly tricky in stores, I think. I don't want to imply she is aggressive and shouldn't be in the store.

Edit - I wonder if we get a higher proportion of non dogsavvy people asking, since she looks so calm and non threatening while she politely ignores them! I have noticed many non dog owners are nervous of the enthusiastically happy dogs.
Both my poodle pups have not enjoyed people, even me, bending down and petting their head. Back, etc. are fine. And heads are great if they are standing with paws on your knees, for example. I haven't noticed this with any of the other dogs I have had over the years.
 
#20 ·
Maggied from your description I am guessing you have toy or smaller mini poos. I think everything being talked about here is harder for smaller dogs. The world of people must seem overwheming to small dogs much of the time.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top