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Do You Love Your Second Pup As Much As Your First?

2K views 23 replies 8 participants last post by  JenandSage 
#1 ·
I'm a first time dog owner of an 10 month boy poodle, Rocky.

I took Rocky home when he was 10 weeks old. I've had not issues with potty training, chewing, barking, separation anxiety, no bad behaviors, he's good with children, other people, big and small dogs, knows basic commands (I need to work on commands more...my lack of discipline), calm during fireworks.

I had recently posted that he wasn't crate trained and wanted my attention all the time. The real problem was me. When I ignore him for a minute because I'm doing something, he settles down himself. I don't move anything, like my shoes, and he doesn't touch or chew anything he's not supposed to touch. In fact, I leave him home alone, uncrated, to go to the gym in the morning, and when I return, nothing is touched, he simply jumps up from his bed to greet me. He maintains good eye contact, he's my shadow, and he listens when I set boundaries. I never had to work to build our connection.

My fear is that when I get a second pup, I may not love the second pup as much as Rocky. I fear that I will unjustly compare the second pup to Rocky.

With Rocky I have the 'first baby syndrome' really bad - intense bonding, intense training, intense focus on learning everything about him, intense worry about everything. I was drained and severely sleep deprived for about the first 3 months of bringing Rocky home. I was totally ignorant about how hard it was to raise a puppy.

I fear that with the second pup, I will slack off, be more impatient, cut corners, bond less with the second pup. I fear that since I can't clone Rocky that the second pup will not be 'as good' as Rocky. I fear that my love for Rocky can never by matched or as intense with the second pup or any future pup.

“Love does not divide - it multiplies.” But will I somehow mess up the second pup and not love him or her as much?

"Every love is unique" - easier to write that to believe it will happen....Rocky is my first dog and so easy to love.
 
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#3 ·
Hi SMSP, congrats on having a wonderful boy in Rocky! I used to have a Sheltie and then added a second "dog" - who was actually a cat who acted like a dog lol! Years after they both passed, I got a Miniature Poodle and then recently added a second Moyen Poodle. In both cases, I can confidently say that there is no way the second animal was second fiddle in my mind and heart. They will be different - but it's just like any second human child being different from the first, but most human parents learn to love both equally while having different relationships with both due to the fact that they're simply different people.

I wouldn't worry about the love part - again, you will end up loving both; it's not an issue. What I would focus on is the practical pain in the rear part of raising a puppy, and whether you want to put yourself through that again. If, given where you are in your life, you're not thrilled about going through those 3 months again, I would strongly recommend getting an older pup or a young adult - e.g. anywhere between 6 months to 2 years old. I got my Sheltie, Moses, when he was 8 weeks old, and this time around, I got my Miniature Poodle, Vontae, when he just turned 2 years old, and my Moyen, Shilo, when he was almost 9 months. Vontae and Shilo are bonded to me absolutely no less than Moses was (and Moses was very, VERY bonded to me); in other words, don't buy into the myth that if you don't raise a pup from 8 weeks, he/she will not bond with you to the same level. Plus, with an older pup or young adult, you'd know exactly what you're getting in terms of personality and temperament, which are more important to be certain about for the second dog because he/she needs to fit into a household that's already set with certain patterns of behavior and activities from the first dog.

I'm glad I went through the whole puppy thing with Moses, and by all measures he was like Rocky, about as painless as one could possibly imagine a puppy to be. But, would I choose to go through that again at any point in the future, knowing how equally wonderful (but of course different) Vontae and Shilo turned out? There's a big part of me that thinks, no! :)

Kevin
 
#10 ·
Kevin I could not have said it better, I have had 2 puppies and 6 from 8 months to 5 years when I got them Average of 2 to 2.5 yrs, they are as boned to me as the puppis and I to them, I personally prefer a dog from 8 months up to 3, but my Sage at was 5 yrs but an exception, noe 8, Bella 15 was 15 months, Cayenne 5 was 15 months. No puppies here again
 
#4 ·
kchen95:

I can confidently say that there is no way the second animal was second fiddle in my mind and heart.
Thanks. When I really think about it, I do expect this...it's just difficult to imagine at this moment. I appreciate it.

I would strongly recommend getting an older pup or a young adult - e.g. anywhere between 6 months to 2 years old.
What about the pecking order? Rocky is 10 months so I thought I'd need to get a younger pup than him so that they figure out the pecking order more comfortably...no jealousy, etc.
 
#5 ·
kchen95:

What about the pecking order? Rocky is 10 months so I thought I'd need to get a younger pup than him so that they figure out the pecking order more comfortably...no jealousy, etc.
In general, Poodles, especially male Poodles, tend to accept a second Poodle of all ages and genders very well. In your specific case, given how well behaved Rocky is, I can't imagine that he'd have a problem accepting a slightly older/slightly younger dog. You can also make sure they get along at the start by taking Rocky to meet whichever older pup/young dog you're considering.

I got Shilo a little more than a month ago, when Vontae was about to turn five. Because Shilo was coming from overseas (New Zealand), I couldn't get him and Vontae to meet first. My priority was to look for a older pup/young dog who was social and confident, yet had no desire to be the alpha. I would say the latter is a very important quality to make sure of - so that Rocky doesn't feel overwhelmed right away by a dominant dog seeking to assert his/her power right away. When Shilo came, he was very social with Vontae right away, but has had no problem letting Vontae be the Alpha (first to eat, first to chase down a toy, assuming the upside down position in a wrestling match, etc.), even though Shilo is significantly bigger, faster and stronger than Vontae.

Kevin
 
#6 ·
Yes, but differently.
 
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#7 ·
I have had packs of dogs (that's how I grew up), single dog and dog pairs of varying ages. I would ask why you would want a second dog? For many the motivator is to "keep my dog company, especially when they are alone" - that in my experience almost never works out - since if they are a good pairing they tend to sleep in separate places when alone (and would have to separated in the beginning when unsupervised anyway).
I enjoy the one-on-one relationship the most. You describe a wonderful partnership that will be interrupted when another dog joins you. There is really no exception to that. Even the calmest, most loving and accepting dog will still to some extent display jealousy that can morph into possession aggressiveness in time. Over silly things sometimes - who sits closest, weird toys that have never been a big deal all of a sudden are so special to start a row over, special places in the house, certain places to walk. I saw this in my last pairing: two dogs that were the most loving creatures - the older one desperate for company when our oldest dog died. Everybody said it would be an absolute must to bring another dog into the house. My older dog (at the time he was 4) was quite loving and accepting, but developed all the quirks I described above and it took a lot of smarts and finesse for the younger dog to move through all the hoops and rules he made for him. They were on a scale of 1- 10 a 9 in how well they got along (never a single fight ever) but still you become a policeman in your own house and that changes things. I will be a single dog household for now even though I have experienced twice dog duos that are as good as it gets.
 

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#8 ·
I have had multiple dogs for about 60 years. And I always seemed to love them all the same but each for different reasons. The more you do with a dog, be it classes or hiking together in the wilderness, (that's me, lol) training together, just doing things as a family, the more bonded you get...just as you describe how it is with your Rocky and you. It will happen most likely with your 2nd dog as long as you cultivate the relationship. It is thought by scientists who study animals that domestic dogs don't live in packs and don't have a pecking order. I have found that the interactions between my dogs might resemble something like that but nothing is static. For instance, one might get his own way about one thing one time or even lots of times, but the other gets his own way about something else. And it can change. It's kind of like human siblings. So as far as an organized pack...no. You are their "parent." LOL.
 
#11 ·
10% agree with you and I have had as many as 4 females at one time and from different breeders (I am not a breeder just love toy poodles) and have never had a problem. I alway do everything, 1st with the one I had the longest, then #2 then 3, they take turns going byby, and all sleep with me, and when I am gone they sleep together in one bed. I call it a pecking order, their food is put down in that order, they are put in bed in that order, and dressed in that order, and groomed in that order. I kept them separated for about a week or two until I was sure they liked each other, then together they were. I love them all the same and I have almost to much love, I am never lonely, I can tell you that.
 
#9 ·
Moni:
"keep my dog company, especially when they are alone"
I work very long hours. I never leave Rocky home alone and even with a second dog I would still drop them both off at sitters when I work.
I have different sitters to offer different experiences be it children, big or small dogs, etc.

I'm grateful for the health benefits of having a dog. For example, he makes me laugh daily, etc. Yes a second dog is double or even triple work but I expect, more laughter and other joys.

I see how Rocky gets along with other dogs. Sitters say he wrestles, zooms around and plays with another dog until he collapses in exhaustion. On the other hand, there's times when Rocky will ignore the other dogs and retreat into a crate or curl up with the sitter (they send me photos). I understand bringing a second dog in may result in the pups getting along OK but not great or they may bond really well.
 
#14 ·
Moni:


I work very long hours. I never leave Rocky home alone and even with a second dog I would still drop them both off at sitters when I work.
I have different sitters to offer different experiences be it children, big or small dogs, etc.

I'm grateful for the health benefits of having a dog. For example, he makes me laugh daily, etc. Yes a second dog is double or even triple work but I expect, more laughter and other joys.

I see how Rocky gets along with other dogs. Sitters say he wrestles, zooms around and plays with another dog until he collapses in exhaustion. On the other hand, there's times when Rocky will ignore the other dogs and retreat into a crate or curl up with the sitter (they send me photos). I understand bringing a second dog in may result in the pups getting along OK but not great or they may bond really well.
You didn't really give a reason as to why you want a second dog (not that you have to). The reason I quoted was simply one that we get a lot in the forum. Poodles seem to be extraordinarily social - much more so than other dogs which may very much work to your advantage. Fingers crossed for you.
 
#13 ·
glorybeecosta:

I alway do everything, 1st with the one I had the longest, then #2 then 3, they take turns going byby, and all sleep with me, and when I am gone they sleep together in one bed. I call it a pecking order, their food is put down in that order, they are put in bed in that order, and dressed in that order, and groomed in that order. I kept them separated for about a week or two until I was sure they liked each other, then together they were.
How did you keep them separated for a week or two in the same home?
 
#15 ·
How did you keep them separated for a week or two in the same home? I let them together when I was home I only separated them if I was out. Naturally they stayed in the same room when I am home, and I would sit on the floor and play with all at the same time. With toys or let them climb on me, so within the week or 2 never hand a problem. I would crate the new one, and let the other 2 loose or put the other 2 in the kitchen with a gate. At night we all went to bed together, and the each have their spot, and I did not let them interfere with the other babies place. My first words was NO when they did something I did not want, but out of 8 I never had a fight between dogs.
 
#16 ·
Moni:

You didn't really give a reason as to why you want a second dog (not that you have to). The reason I quoted was simply one that we get a lot in the forum.
I appreciate you asking.

I live alone and on my days off work, I may not see or talk to anyone else, I strive really hard to keep Rocky socialized. It means dropping him off at sitters for a couple of hours on my days off.

Rocky plays well with other dogs - wrestling, zooming around/ chasing other dogs, etc.

So getting a second pup for a playmate. Not to keep him preoccupied. Not getting a second pup so I can leave them home alone when I work - will still drop them off at sitters.

This is a big decision- any feedback is appreciated.
 
#18 ·
Moni:

I appreciate you asking.

I live alone and on my days off work, I may not see or talk to anyone else, I strive really hard to keep Rocky socialized. It means dropping him off at sitters for a couple of hours on my days off.

Rocky plays well with other dogs - wrestling, zooming around/ chasing other dogs, etc.

So getting a second pup for a playmate. Not to keep him preoccupied. Not getting a second pup so I can leave them home alone when I work - will still drop them off at sitters.

This is a big decision- any feedback is appreciated.
Why aren't you and Rocky playing together on days off (go for nice walks where you will meet people and dogs, take a class and train for a tricks title...). I would think day care when you work would be the thing to do.

My poodles play together exactly once a day in the morning for up to about 20 minutes. The rest of the time they spend most of their time as they are now, Lily lounging on the sofa and Javelin asleep on the floor near me. I didn't get Javelin to be a playmate for Lily, I got him for my own purposes. Also not all combinations of dogs are a good fit. All of our dogs are happy and well socialized, but our two males don't like each other very well so we keep them separated. They both get on with Lily since she is the top dog so to speak. Lily didn't like having Javelin around at all most of the first year he was here. I was always prepared to return him to his breeder had we not been able to settle into a good routine where all three dogs were happy with the arrangements. I think many people gloss over the pitfalls of adding new dogs to their home. Me, I'm more inclined to be a realist, which means I think adding new dogs into a home where there are already adult dogs has to be considered carefully.
 
#19 ·
lily cd re:

Why aren't you and Rocky playing together on days off (go for nice walks where you will meet people and dogs, take a class and train for a tricks title...)
We go for walks & meet many people (I simply wanted to emphasize the difference between meeting strangers in passing compared to having a social network/ family - friends coming to visit or doing stuff together).

Rocky's been through two classes and I plan to do other classes, like agility. He's been to puppy socialization classes too where the pups just romp around for an hour.

I would think day care when you work would be the thing to do.
99% of doggy daycares have business hours...my work hours are odd. So sitters accommodate me better plus no risk of him being placed in a kennel since he's in a 'real home.'

My poodles play together exactly once a day in the morning for up to about 20 minutes.
Actually based on my experiences with different sitters this doesn't surprise me and it wouldn't surprise me if that is what Rocky and the pup does (if I get a second one).

Also not all combinations of dogs are a good fit.

I think many people gloss over the pitfalls of adding new dogs to their home.
Rocky has good temperament. I'm focused on getting a poodle pup with good temperament too.

Rocky's one year birthday is Feb 13 and a pup I'm considering would come home a few days to a couple weeks after Feb 13. Hoping that based on Rocky playing with other days on a daily basis will help with the new addition. And hoping that Rocky's age will make it easier.

But I'm still trying to make the final decision, weighing all pros and cons.
 
#20 ·
It is a complex decision since the relationship consequences are multidimensional. Dog 1 to dog 2, person A to dog 1, person A to dog 2, person A with the two dogs, person B (if there is one) to each of the dogs and so forth. I would not tell anyone what to do or not to do unless they asked me directly. It is just very wise to be realistic and pragmatic in advance rather than looking at such a decision through rose colored glasses.


Whatever you decide I wish you success.
 
#21 ·
I got my second puppy in October and I love having two. My first one was 3.5 years old and much settled down. He is a big pushover with other dogs and never gets snarly at all - he doesn’t seem to incite any fighting with him and gives up all his toys to his friends. He barks at them and does try to get their attention if they are not playing with them, but isn’t usually in charge;)
I was worried about him when I first got my other so I selected my breeder and puppy very carefully. I had a moment of big stress in the fall when things felt overwhelming with both - the pup kept bothering Sage and jumping and biting his ears and back leg to get him to play but he wasn’t into it.
So, my point is definitely isn’t easy and I felt like I was in a three-ring circus, especially if I had any added personal stress at the time. I felt like a terrible dog mom and bad trainer at times!! It is still a lot of work.
Luckily everyone here was supportive and I picked a fantastic breeder. My little pup is so smart she figures things out really quick - it just felt like a long time.
It’s definitely hard work but they play well together now. I still have to set lots of boundaries and make sure I am meeting the different needs of both since they are both different. But Sage’s favourite game is to be chased and Saffron loves to chase, so they are a perfect match in that regard when I let them off leash!
I love them both and have a lot of fun playing and training together, all three of us. They are like my little family:) If you are ready for it I think you will like another.
 
#24 ·
JenandSage



What kind of boundaries do you have to set that's ongoing?
Hi! They do like to play and wrestle together in the living room but when the intensity gets to high I separate them. Like, if they start jumping on and off the couch and trying to run full speed in a small space!! I still have to step in, they can’t do it on command, and I am not the best trainer, but if I step in and direct them both to their beds they settle down on them and then I get them a treat. They will continue to play but it’s usually much calmer, or they will do something else. If they are too wild I just do it again. Sage has a decent down stay on his own but Saffron is still in training and together they are an entity of their own! Plus i want them to learn to settle and to be honest, Saffron bothers Sage like 80% less than she used to and they both are mostly relaxed or sleeping at home if I have done enough exercise or other activities with them. They have their times when they want to play.
That’s the main one for me. I don’t like chaos and furniture being pushed about.

I will be asking for more advice from the PF soon because there is always something!!
 
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