Locket

So my boyfriend and I have been discussing our future together, and our first goal is to move in together. We've been dating for 3 and a half years, I'm finishing my BA this year, and entering baking and pastry arts school September 2011. My boyfriend works full time for his dad's company, and is starting college (hopefully same campus as me) in September 2011 as well. We both have money saved up, although I have significantly less than he does as I only worked during the summer months while in school. At the moment, we both live with our parents, and have discussed wanting to live together in a year to 2 years time.

We were thinking that moving in together would make sense if we are both going to college on the same campus. We certainly WANT to live together, but have some reservations.

1) Too early: While we intend on being together forever, we are still quite young (21 years old currently), and maybe it's too early to live together

2) Finances: He has a good amount saved up, I do not. He is more than happy to be "the provider" until I have more to contribute, but I do not want to be dependent on him, nor do I feel that is fair.

3) Expenses: In relation to finances, with at least one dog coming with me, I will have more expenses then he will, but not the funds...

4) Housing: Where we live, housing is VERY expensive. I really do not want to rent, as I feel like the money doesn't go anywhere productive, but we are NOT in a position to buy, so....I think we'll have to rent.

I feel like it will be forever before I feel we are ready to move in together, but I would also feel irresponsible for trying to make it work when it obviously would not.

Would anyone feel comfortable sharing what their situation was like before moving in with their SO? Were you financially stable? Did you scrape by and just make it work? How old were you? Were you still in school?

Any insight would be appreciated.

Fluffyspoos

I moved in with my boyfriend.. three weeks to a month ago.

We had taken over his moms house, she's decided she's going to travel, and we've done a lot of repairs on the house and are now paying the bills. We both work, either of us are in school, and we split the bills and each help out buying food.

He's 22 and I'm 21, we've been together for almost three years. I do most of the cleaning though.. typical guy.

wishpoo

I never "moved in" with any guy or ever would .


It can only complicate things and bring more responsibility IMO before any REAL commitment was made.

Have fun while you can and enjoy your parental care and freedom - dating is nothing but fun, fun , fun : )))) !!!! Why put any extra pressure or financial worries now upon yourself ??? Concentrate on your studies and on planning parties instead of on "vacuuming and bathroom cleaning" LOL ; )))


But ... that is just me LOL !

Best of luck with whatever you decide : )))

*tina*

We moved in together when I was 18 and he was 19. However, we were already engaged and had been together nearly 2 years. We were very financially stable though, we both worked full-time while in college, and then he quit ROTC/Army Reserves and went Navy active duty. But, in my opinion, I'd never move in without a ring on my finger, but that's me. We split costs, at the time down the middle, and that's what worked for us. Now, nearly 10 years later, I'd say it was the right decision for us, but if you aren't feeling 100% sure about moving in together yet, I'd vote for waiting.

wishpoo

Makes a major difference IMO

Penjilum-Poodles

For your age you are very mature.
My brother and his girlfriend have been together for nearly four years. She's in college and works part time. My brother works full time at a car company (he knows everything about cars!) :P
His girlfriend practically lived with us for two years. She would spend most of her week staying with us. They got along great living day in and day out together and then finally moved into their own appartement in the city a year ago. Yes my brother is financially stable, but his girlfriend couldn't pay for their rent, but she does pay towards gas for travelling and their groceries. They are happy together and very glad they moved in and have their own appartement together. Now their planning to go for a house.

I think unless you 100% ready then you should wait. Best of luck!

Olie

You are very smart to weigh everything out as your are!! Most young people (like I was) are very impulsive. Although I came out fine not a lot of situations do when there's not a good plan to work.

I feel if you are mature enough to do it - agree wait to buy!

If you are having anything questionable in your mind as you very well may Wait.

It can work if 2 people want it too - period. Statistics speak for themselves at least is the US.

I have been the bread winner and not the bread winner. There are many other things factored in when having a place together. It's about sharing the responsibility which does not always mean financial.

Life happens based off experiences. I had somewhat hard knocks so to speak, and even though the tough times were hard they tought me a lot.

Whatever you chose - continue with a plan and a goal.

__________________
***Loves Poodles!!***



"You Know Who's Not Happy With Their Lives, When Their Busy Discussing Yours "

ArreauStandardPoodle

I do not know if I am old fashioned, but after my own experience, I would say wait. I was married for twenty two years, and had known my husband over a year prior to that, and he decided to cheat on me with our daughter's girlfriend, so needless to say, our marriage ended PRONTO! I was left with the houuse, the dogs, all the bills and lost my job when my hubby got himself fired. (We both sold international advertising for trade magazines for the same fellow, who was so ticked with my ex that I suffered too).

Six months after our marriage broke down I met Bruce and really felt like my destiny had all led me to this place to meet him. He is my soul mate, our interests are similar, we both adore the dogs, he is amazing with my kids and grandkids and I love him with all my heart. But, I am not the type of person to live with someone, and though that is not who I am, both of our situations made this the practical thing to do and we did it. And while I do not regret one minute of being with him, I wish we had begun co-habitating AFTER we got married, because we have both gotten so comfortable in our situation that we just do not think about it. Well...I do...but I do not talk to him about it. I figure after ten years of living together as husband and wife, why aren't we? I would love to share his last name, but think because we have done this for so long the chance we will ever get married is pretty slim because when he mentions it I am not ready and when I am he is not. To me, it has complicated things a lot. So, think long and hard about your decision, because even if you are the type of woman who thinks marriage doesn't matter, there will be times it will bug you. And it is really hard for most guys to understand the change of heart. Their attitude seems to be if it ain't broken don't fix it. Good luck in whatever you decide!!

spoospirit

I was with my husband for six years on a dating basis. He lived in his apartment and I in mine with my two children from a previous marriage. He wanted to build a home and asked me to move in with him and we would share the bills. My answer to that was not until I have a ring on my finger.

I have witnessed too many relationships that were live-in that didn't make it and it was a bigger nightmare than getting a divorce. There is no security in living together. Even if the relationship is a good one, questions like "who will take the house if my partner dies?" are very real ones.

My daughter has lived with two of her boyfriends and frets constantly about the lack of security that it provides. She has lived with her current boyfriend for five years but still frets about who is responsible for what and the fact that she makes less than he but has more bills than he does.

You have so many questions without answers. I would be quite worried about going into a live-in situation with so much still on the table.

I could see it conceivably working if there was a solid plan in place with two people who are flexible and willing to work together when plan A doesn't make it and it is time to go to plan B. I just know it isn't for me.

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Keithsomething

In response to the what happens if someone passes away thing

Marshall and I have living wills established saying that the other is allowed and WILL be allowed in ANY hospital that I or he is ever put into no ifs, ands, or buts about it the END the wills also go onto state that my life insurance policy states that Marshall and my mother are Co-benefactors neither can sign the papers without the other and neither can collect a dime of it without the others signature same for his, My mother has become Marshalls mother due to the lack of his own so I can't touch his property/money without my mothers signature

Unfortunately we live in a time where Bigots dictate how other people may live there lives so our choices are FAR limited compared to a heterosexual couple we have dealt with it as best we can by having attorneys draft wills for us ect. but its about the same security you can get from a marriage everything can be taken to litigation :]

I say if you know what you're going to do why not try it?
you seem to be pretty focused on your education, and if its cost efficient to live with someone while you're continuing your education GO FOR IT!!

Lucky for me our house is big enough that my mother doesn't mind me living in Sin