Moving in together - Page 3 - Poodle Forum - Standard Poodle, Toy Poodle, Miniature Poodle Forum ALL Poodle owners too!

Fluffyspoos · 09-09-2010, 12:06 AM

I personally wouldn't want to marry someone first before living with someone.. because you learn more about a person when you're living with them, and if you find out you just CAN'T live with them, well, you're stuck if you're married. If you're not, then you can just go on with life.

That's just my personal opinion.

(And I like the no sex before marriage for us.. because I think it'll be better motivation for him to pop the question!)

fjm · 09-09-2010, 12:37 AM

I am in the live together first camp - and have sex (or, much better, make love together) first, too, although living together has never been a prerequisite for that. Don't think I would want a proposal brought about by frustration! Mind you, I am in my 50s and have been very happily unmarried all my life, so I may not be the role model you would choose to follow!

I would most definitely rent for at least a year. Buying a house together is a big, legal commitment - it can be expensive to disentangle both financially and emotionally if you find you simply cannot cohabit with contentment.

If you have any doubts, don't. This is a part of life where everyone has to make the decision that is right for them.

Keithsomething · 09-09-2010, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fluffyspoos

(And I like the no sex before marriage for us.. because I think it'll be better motivation for him to pop the question!)

lol <3

sounds like a pretty good incentive to me xD

hahaha Fjm I think I stand by the same camp fire xD

Likes its been said, theres so much personal peception of the situation no one would handle it the same way

And wishpoo my mother is amazing...I can't count how many times my mother has let a friend or family member in need crash with us always the Shelter my mother

unique and loving describes my situation perfectly!!

Fluffyspoos · 09-09-2010, 08:18 AM

I agree with not buying yet, Bruce (my boyfriend) has suggested it, and I made it very clear that I wouldn't get into something that big with him unless we were permanent (emphasizing on the commitment thing.)

Although, not even fifteen minutes ago I was having a great dream we had a fenced yard.. then I woke up to Vegas puking out pieces of cow hoof and found out it had rain overnight into my car windows. So maybe I should just be grateful for the house we have!

Aidan · 09-09-2010, 11:43 AM

I don't see a problem living with someone before marriage but it really does depend on the couple and the situation.

I have always lived on my own since moving out of my parents house at a young age (18). I moved in with my current boyfriend after only dating for a year..but we had known eachother many years before that.

I suppose I was lucky in that I started dating my best friend. We have had serious talks and know we want to get married but we want to both be well on our way to being debt free (college debt) before tying the knot. We also both want to have career jobs before getting married and think it will make things like buying a house much easier.

We are currently renting..both on the lease and he pays a majority of the bills since i'm still in nursing school and doesn't mind. It's something that was talked about before moving to North Carolina. I knew I wouldn't be making as much here until business grows at the salon..and he said that it's fine and he would rather I focus on school anyway...

I am fortunate that he makes enough to be able to do that. It's worked out great for us and I look forward to when we can actually buy a house.

Our only issue has come from his parents who are very traditional southern baptists who really believe it's wrong and that we're doing horrible things... but to each their own. I don't think we're doing anything wrong and he doesn't either and it has worked out really well for us.

I do think if you have doubts..perhaps you should evaluate and think about the situation a bit longer..

CharismaticMillie · 09-09-2010, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Locket

I don't understand why people wait for marriage to have sex, but kudos to you for living together and resisting the temptation!

Great advice, and yes, we have discussed how living together will change the relationship, which is why we want to wait until we are both financially stable before doing so.

I guess to me, getting engaged/married before living together seems backwards. I have already made a commitment to him for the past 3 and a half years, and I feel that my word to be with him and my ever growing love for him means more than any ring or marriage certificate. I know he loves me and cares deeply about me because he shows it, and he knows I love him and care deeply about him because I show it. Marriage is a definite yes for the both of us, but at the same time, we do not feel we need to get married to make our love and commitment to each other "official". He is part of my family now and always will be, and I am part of his family now and always will be. Of course everything could go to ****, but I trust that he would alert me to any issues/concerns, and vice versa, so that we could either work through it, find a compromise, or worse come to worse, part ways.

In response to the psychology of marriage stats. Both of our parents lived together before getting married, and they are still together (my parents are celebrating their 34th year together). Statistics also show that couples whose parents remained together also have a higher likelihood of a long lasting relationship. There are also a number of other factors that improve the chance of a lasting marriage (like education, socioeconomic status, stable/good childhood, similar values/morals/beliefs etc.), and a lot are on our side. But statistics are certainly not everything, especially with regards to relationships, which are very individual and near impossible to generalize.

This might be a personal question, and its not just directed at you Millie, anyone can answer it, I am just genuinely curious as to why some feel engagement and/or marriage should come before living together?

For me it is just a personal decision. Something to look forward to for now! Also, now that I know engagement is going to be within the next year , I am just juicing up living with my parents and I am really in no rush to move in with him

I don't actually have anything against a couple moving in together before marriage or before engagement. I just personally think it will be fun for my boyfriend and I to move in together right after we get engaged. In fact, almost moved in with my boyfriend this past summer, but then I decided to wait until we are engaged. (Which hopefully shouldn't be too long!

) I am also in a unique situation where I have enough money to buy a house, and I don't want to waste money on rent at the moment yet I don't feel right buying a house until we are engaged.

Also, I know that the psych. marriage statistics do not tell the whole story, but I do agree some aspects . For example, the studies showed that people who lived together before marriage, AFTER formally OR informally committing to each other, were much less likely to get divorced. The higher breakup rate happens when couples decided to move in without thinking through all the possibilities clearly, moving in for convenience only, moving in because you think it will fix your relationship. . Not that you are doing any of this Locket, in fact, I think you are thinking it through more than many people!

The truth is, that moving in together causes LOTS of issues to surface. You have to be ready to tackle those. Your relationship will get more difficult and you have to be prepared to get through that.

Karma'sACat · 09-09-2010, 02:35 PM

I have and will always live for some period of time with my significant other before marriage (and have sex too but that is off the point).
I moved in with my boyfriend after we had been dating for a year and a half. We got engaged a few months later. After living together for a year, it became apparent that he was not the person I wanted to marry. If we hadn't lived together, I would have gone in to a marriage that would have failed.

**plumcrazy** · 09-09-2010, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Locket

I am just genuinely curious as to why some feel engagement and/or marriage should come before living together?

Tradition?

KalaMama · 09-09-2010, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plumcrazy

Tradition?

Well, some people(me included) believe that intimacy should be saved for after you are married and shared only with that person. I believe that's how God intended it to be. Few and far between still believe this but there are those of us out there

CharismaticMillie · 09-09-2010, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plumcrazy

Tradition?

Thank you plumcrazy, for thinking of the one word that I could have said instead of my entire paragraph!

I probably wouldn't wait until I am married, but I still feel like I am following some sort of tradition by waiting until engagement.