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Help! I've created a monster!!

4K views 22 replies 7 participants last post by  lily cd re 
#1 ·
Russell turned 2 on the 5th of November. I am a stay at home fur-mom, and obviously this has not been the best thing for Russell. It seems he has huge issues with me leaving. Of course, I've been in denial because I don't see him when I'm gone :)
I dropped him off for 4 hours of daycare today, and the owner says he cried, barked and howled. This is with a few bigger dogs to play with! I am planning on dropping him off tomorrow for 2 hours and Thursday for 2 hours. My thoughts are this will help to ease the anxiety? Do you agree, or am I going too fast with this? My husband would like to travel, and nobody is gonna be willing to take him if he acts like this!
Any thoughts???
 
#2 ·
Sounds like separation anxiety, and don't worry there is no shame in admitting it, I think it happens to a lot more pet owners than many care to admit.

I think the best thing you could do right now would be to go back to some basics. If the crate is no longer being used, start using it again for small amounts of time during the day, and perhaps even at night. Get him used to being able to hear you, know where you are, but not be able to get to you.

If you don't want to use a crate, make a special area for him, make sure he is super comfortable in the crate, or in a special area.

The idea is to have him have a special place where he still feels good when you're gone. Have this area have tasty stuffed kongs and safe toys that he loves, and a nice warm sleeping area and lots of fresh water.

You're going to probably also have to not give into some attention seeking behavior, too. If he is constantly glued to you at home, and asserts that he should be, find a way to teach him that it's okay not to be.

I think we already know he gets lots of exercise and mental stimulation, so good job there!

Remember all of your successes you've had, and that you are a good dog owner. You've given him a great home, and that's something to be proud of.

I do not believe you've created a monster, and I think you'll be surprised at how easy this will be to remedy.
 
#3 ·
People who've successfully countered separation anxiety say they have to teach the dog that it's okay to be on his own, and that you'll always return. I've heard that people have success in crating the dog, giving him his comfort items (toys, blanket, something that smells like you etc.) and then getting their coat on and keys out, and leaving for 30 seconds. Then come back in, and if he's excited, ignore him until he calms down before giving him any attention. The trick is to teach him that it's no big deal and doesn't make you feel sympathetic to him. Some people repeat this leaving/coming back in multiple times per day, all the while ignoring him until he quits being upset before letting him out of the crate or paying any attention to him. My brother had enormous problems with his mastiffs that way, and Indy is kind of funny about it too. Indy is very attached to our family and she is okay with other people too, but not dogs. Maddy on the other hand loves EVERYONE, so she's much easier when it comes to doggy daycare etc.
 
#4 ·
Russell is crated at night. If we don't crate him he chooses to sleep in a different room, ie the living room couch. He seems to be fine if I leave him at home, he doesn't carry on and bark, and he is happy when I return, not over the moon excited, just happy. The problem seems to be when I leave him WITH someone else :(


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#6 ·
Russell is crated at night. If we don't crate him he chooses to sleep in a different room, ie the living room couch. He seems to be fine if I leave him at home, he doesn't carry on and bark, and he is happy when I return, not over the moon excited, just happy. The problem seems to be when I leave him WITH someone else :(
Can you work out a way to leave Russell with someone he knows, at their home, for a brief period of time, even 30 minutes to start, to help accustom him to being with others? I did this when Chagall was a puppy, though it near ripped my heart out. I would drop him off at a friend's home for an hour or so, leaving him with familiar toys and my old sweatshirt (which I assure you earned the name 'sweatshirt'). He howled and carried on initially, but our friends are dog people so they were able to withstand his screeching. He even did a sleepover at their home, and apparently he slept that night though I didn't. I did these things because the breeder cautioned me not to have Chagall spend every minute with me, I'm retired and she readily saw there was a danger I would.

Do you bring Russell many places, like to the Home Depot or Pet Store, where he can experience being out in the world with others? I did that as well, and I think he often was so intrigued with the goings-on he nearly forgot I was still with him.

Does Russell enjoy playdates with other dogs and their owners? If so, maybe you could arrange a few of meet ups and slip away for a while, leaving him in someone else's care. He is still a young boy, and he's a poodle so he's a velcro dog, and maybe even a momma's boy (hehe), but it seems very doable to me to help wean him from you being his sun, moon and stars to the detriment of him enjoying time spent away from you. Did the Doggy Day Care offer you any suggestions? Leaving him for half the initial time you did sounds like a good approach to me. I know this must be hard on you, probably harder on you than him. Sorry for the stream of consciousness post, just pecking out ideas on the keyboard as they come to me. Please don't beret yourself for having a spoo who loves your company, you will get this sorted out.
 
#7 ·
The last time we left for 2 nights I left Russell at home with a pet-sitter/friend. I told him that if he preferred, he could take the dogs home with him at night. Apparently Russell wouldn't settle, and whined a lot to he just took him back to our place and stayed there. This lad lives a couple of minutes away, we spend most holiday dinners at his place and the dogs are always with us. The family has a doodle and a lab and they come at least 2 times a year to our cabin for a week at a time with their dogs. Not strangers!!!
Russell often goes with me to the bank, Revy (Our Home Depot is dog-adverse) and to the local hospital for visits. We walk every Sunday with a group of friends and at least 10 dogs.
This is why I'm leaning toward a doggy daycare situation. He is most definitely socialized. He LOVES all people, is not in the least bit shy. He is great with other dogs, large and small. He just freaks if I'm not with him in these situations.
 
#8 ·
PoodlePowerBC: Maybe he just needs a few more tries at Doggy Day Care to get into the groove there and "forgettabout" you for a bit? Once the place is a bit more familiar to him, he may be tempted to play with all the other fun dogs and people there. He sounds like a delightfully social and happy boy. And he can't be the first dog to miss his owner, I'm sure the folks there will continue to work to bring him along. I'll be anxious to hear how "Day Two of Russell-Goes-Sans-Momma" works out. Got my fingers crossed he grows to like it a whole lot!!:)
 
#9 ·
Patricia McConnell has written extensively about separation anxiety. One of her little short books is just on this topic. I forget the title, but maybe it would help. She is a certified behaviorist.
 
#10 ·
Maybe you're thinking of her book, "I'll Be home Soon: How to Prevent and Treat Separation Anxiety"? It is excellent!!
 
#13 ·
PoodlePowerBC: Things go any better today? I need to uncross my fingers to start making dinner. But I'm still hoping for you!:)
 
#15 ·
Well ... we walked down which took just over 1/2 hour. On our way we met 3 different people with dogs, a border collie, a shih tzu and an older boxer. Every dog was straining at their leashes, so I made Russell sit on the edge of the sidewalk each time. Every single one of them wanted to KILL him. Barking, snarling and lunging!!! 3 out of 3 :afraid: And I think I have a problem because of a little "mama's boy-ism, hehe. Russell didn't react at all!
The daycare I took him to is a store that I get some of his raw food from, so he was thrilled to be there to begin with. He was barking his fool head off when I left there. I left him there for 2 1/2 hours, and the gal in charge said he barked off and on for about an hour. There was a standard poodle there as well as a doodle, and rumor has it they played for the next hour and a half. He was not barking when I picked him up, and he was happy too see me ... but not too happy to play with the owners 18 month old Phantom Spoo girl in the reception area. So I would say it was successful :)
 
#14 ·
Yes, "I'll be Home Soon" is the book I was thinking of. I hope it helps.
 
#16 ·
PoodlePowerBC: Good boy, Russell!! What a difference a day makes! Thanks for the update.:thumb:
 
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#17 ·
Glad to hear things are going in the right direction on this. Keep at it. I think you can find a good balance.

I think my dogs go through a little of what you are experiencing a couple of times a year. I am a college professor, so they get spoiled when we are on intersession. I often find evidence of mischief the first few days of the semester on my longer class days especially. Each semester it has been a bit less than the one before though. They do learn that you will come back and they do figure out how to comfort themselves when we help them.
 
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#18 ·
Soooo, I found this great App called Icam. I set up 2 macbooks in 2 different rooms to see just how bad Russell is when I leave him. I checked the cameras about 15 minutes after I left, and he was laying on a couch with his feet up :) Definitely NOT a bad case of separation anxiety, hahaha! We'll just have to work on leaving him with other people a bit more :)
Thanks for all the great tips!
 
#20 ·
You do realize he's smart enough to have an App for you, right? SO happy things are going along so well. Ain't it great when they surprise us in such a good way? Did you get to read "I'll Be Home Soon"? If so, just wondered what you thought. I thought, "My Gwad, my mpoo is easy!" BTW, if I lived nearby I'd love to have you leave Russell at my house. Not so sure I'd be happy to give him back though! Continued good "separations" to you.:)
 
#21 ·
How funny is that! He is a great actor I guess, better that than a really anxious dog.
 
#23 ·
I like all of Patricia McConnell's books. Between her and Ian Dunbar i think you can figure out almost anything you need to.
 
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