Do you coddle your poodle? - Poodle Forum - Standard Poodle, Toy Poodle, Miniature Poodle Forum ALL Poodle owners too!

JE-UK · 06-21-2011, 06:10 AM

This came up in the context of agility training, and I've been brooding about it for a while ... interested in others' opinions.

Vasco had a fall off the dog walk a while back (totally my fault, he started up it undirected when we were doing a series of equipment, and I dithered rather than just sending him on). He wasn't hurt, but a little shaken up, and I did my usual comforting/soothing. The trainer said (in the nicest way possible) that I shouldn't coddle him, and I didn't have my thinking on the subject thought through enough at the time to dispute.

"Coddle" is sort of emotionally charged as a term, and I don't really like the word, but I DO coddle him!

If he's hurt, even in a fleeting, minor way, I want to acknowledge that and let him know I sympathise. And he expects it. If he's bowled over by a dog in the park, or a strange dog snarks at him, or I accidentally tread on him, or he's frightened of something, he comes running and I soothe and comfort and stroke him and tell him he'll live. I don't WANT him to have to tough it out if he's hurt or frightened. It feels like it's my job to make it better if I can.

Thoughts? Am I missing something? It's not like he's a child that has to grow up and be self-sufficient someday. He'll depend on me his whole life, so not sure what the point is of teaching him to toughen up.

CharismaticMillie · 06-21-2011, 06:21 AM

I do avoid coddling my dogs. They *do* have yo be independent to a degree and I have seen the first hand effects of coddling. For example, wen Millie was younger she showed some shyness to new people (especially tall!), bikes, and new intimidating dogs. I literally did not acknowledge her fear. I acted as though I didn't notice, projected my own confidence and proceeded to do whatever we were doing. This prevented her fear response from being reinforced she now is the most confident, independent explorer.

Now, yesterday at the vet she was very nervous because she knew it was that "scary place". I did coddle her with kisses and hugs. She laid in the couch with me in the exam room. I'm sure it would be better if I refrained from coddling in this instance, but I guess I don't feel it is as crucial in this situation.

Re having an accident in agility, I agree with your trainer somewhat in that I personally would avoid too much coddling as it can create more stress for your dog. A simple pat on the head and "you okay sweetie" is what I would do.

faerie · 06-21-2011, 06:39 AM

yes and no. it's like with human children. there is a time to give them love and support and "coddle" and a time to have them suck it up and get over it.

PoodlePowerBC · 06-21-2011, 07:18 AM

I agree with faerie and CM ... there is a time and place. Personally, the dog park is where I tend to be tougher. My last Spoo didn't like Choc labs or Shepherds, because he had, what he saw as bad, experiences with them. I always wonder if I hadn't reacted the way I did if I could have prevented this. It took him years to get over the Shepherd phobia, and he Never did get over the Chocolate Lab hatred (BTW, blacks and yellows were OK) IMO, fear is the toughest emotion to deal with in my dogs.

fjm · 06-21-2011, 07:51 AM

A tricky one - the standard advice used to be that acknowledging and comforting fear would reinforce it, but I think more recent experience is now changing that. I tend to treat my dogs rather as I would a very small child - a small, passing hurt gets a hug, a rub to make it better, and - if it was my fault - an apology. A more serious hurt gets a pain killer, and probably a check with a professional. Fearful behaviour gets managed around, with every opportunity taken to reward bravery. I try very hard not to appear anxious myself, as that really does reinforce their fear.

So yes, I would comfort my dog if she fell off the dog walk, especially if it was my fault, and then immediately start her on it again a few feet from the end with lots of treats!

WestCoastSpoo · 06-21-2011, 07:55 AM

I think it's a lot like kids - you know how you see a child fall and scrape their knee and immediately look at the parent? If the parent gives them a quick pat and says "you're ok" the kid goes back to playing, but if the parent says "OH NO!! You got HURT! Oh come over here and sit down..." then the kid starts crying and screaming like they broke their leg...

CharismaticMillie · 06-21-2011, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WestCoastSpoo

I think it's a lot like kids - you know how you see a child fall and scrape their knee and immediately look at the parent? If the parent gives them a quick pat and says "you're ok" the kid goes back to playing, but if the parent says "OH NO!! You got HURT! Oh come over here and sit down..." then the kid starts crying and screaming like they broke their leg...

Couldn't have said it better!

JE-UK · 06-21-2011, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fjm

I tend to treat my dogs rather as I would a very small child - a small, passing hurt gets a hug, a rub to make it better, and - if it was my fault - an apology. A more serious hurt gets a pain killer, and probably a check with a professional. Fearful behaviour gets managed around, with every opportunity taken to reward bravery. I try very hard not to appear anxious myself, as that really does reinforce their fear.

Beautifully stated. I think that's what I strive for too. In the case of minor fears, I tend to ignore it and march merrily towards whatever is mildly frightening.

We did have one incident where he was utterly terrified of a swooping sport kite in the park on a windy day, where I sat on the ground with him between my legs telling him it was ok and dishing out tiny treats for 20 minutes. I think if I'd dragged him towards it, he would have bolted.

As with everything, it's probably the case that context is everything! And very likely the individual dog as well.

Rowan · 06-22-2011, 02:16 AM

Like you, I don't like that term..."Coddle."
I don't coddle my dogs when they get hurt or whatnot but I do redirect their behaviour by distracting them. For example, my new addition ran into the sliding glass door (he's not used to them) when I let them out the other day. He missed the opening by an few inches! I didn't pamper him but instead distracted him with positive, upbeat words while we ran outside. He shook it off and isn't wary of the sliding glass door.

I've heard people say you shouldn't "coddle" because it reinforces whatever behaviour their exhibiting and I'm no dog behaviour expert. I try to find a balance between showing some sympathy (I know---borderline human response) and snapping them out of it. I think this is critical with a submissive dog--ie., a puppy mill pooch or whatever. (Building confidence.)

It's funny. If I accidentally step on my any of my dog's paws, they come running to me. I act like it's nothing and redirect with a toy or if we're out walking/running--we hit the road! Maybe that's encouragement / reassurance and it's what they need?

JE-UK · 06-23-2011, 11:59 PM

In a case of really fortuitous timing, one of the blogs I subscribe to has just offered thoughts on the same subject:

Kiss it and make it better Fearfuldogs' Blog

I'm reassured by this "...when something happens that frightens a dog it’s ok to offer them comfort and support. It may even make it easier for them to deal with scary things in the future." That was kind of my thinking.