Purley

My groomer friend held a class yesterday morning to train new people for the demo team. They go out to seniors' homes and children's parties and put on flyball demos and various other things - obedience, petting, tricks etc.

Well, although she is a friend of mine, I know that she is very opinionated. She has been training teaching classes and grooming dogs for probably 50 years non-stop. She also bred American Cockers, German Shepherds, Shih-tzus. I have been training my dogs in agility for maybe six years and I have never taught a class in anything.

Anyway, if it goes on like it did yesterday - I won't be back. The whole time it was -- don't do that and don't do this -- you are pulling her!!! -- You are not telling her to go round when you leave the mat!!! -- she is sniffing the floor!!! -- don't let her do that!!! -- and on and on - you get the picture. She kept taking Lucy and showing me how someone who knew what they were doing would be doing it "properly".

At one point, she asked me if I could put the mat away. The equipment is kept in wooden storage benches along the walls. They have heavy wooden lids. So I looped Lucy's leash over my arm, held the mat between my knees and used both hands to lift the heavy wooden lid. I had just got the mat inside and lowered the lid when she said "Don't let your dog sniff the other dog." I felt like saying -- I was using both hands and one arm to put the flipping mat away and hold Lucy at the same time -- the other dog shouldn't have come near me.

I would welcome direction, but I am the kind of person who responds to - make sure you reward her when she does that -- positive comments - not constant negative nagging. I like her but she is very pushy -- its her way or the highway.

Now I have to decide if I tell her - and I doubt she will agree with me -- or just not bother going back.

Any suggestions as to how I deal with it? I am not sure I will LOVE the demo team but I don't mind giving it a go.

Tulip

I would stick with it for one more class and just ignore her pushiness. I know breeders like that, and though truthfulness is appreciated, blunt rudeness is not. I recently told a breeder who judges exactly what I thought of her frankness and I think she almost respected me through her intense dislike because for once, someone wasn't sucking up to her and taking her poor manners because she was a judge.

A good excuse is to say something along the lines of 'Ah, she doesn't respond well to that technique.' and tell her she shuts down and that you've had more success with a different way of doing it. That way you're just saying that your dog trains better this way, and she'll be more likely to leave you to it. I had to do something similar in puppy class once with a trainer who was all for dragging my puppy around on a leash instead of a non-training harness and wanted to do a few other things I didn't agree with. When I told her that my pup was still insecure (ten weeks old, lady!), and I was using less invasive techniques (Readositive), by the time we graduated my pup was the teacher's pet and she LOVED her, insisting by the end of the class that I 'do something productive with that little dog!'. So if you just show her you're an awesome trainer without being pushy, she might just learn from you that you don't have to be a hardass to get results.

Good luck, sometimes it's hard trying to stand up to a friend and someone you think is better than you, but I can bet you she's done it to someone in her time!

Purley

Well, considering the amount of time she has been teaching classes I think it would be a pretty poor show if she wasn't better than me!!

Yes, I think maybe saying "Could you be a bit more positive. I prefer that kind of training." would be a good idea.

Rocketagility

Ok I am on a demo team and also a performer with a larger dog show group and yes I have met many people with years more experience than I. First I would say they want to make you a better dog trainer and sometimes learning from others is stressful. Look not everyone is a great people trainer and it sounds like this woman is lacking this skill, doubt she is being mean to you so I think you should just let is roll off your back. I am sure you will have some positive experiences and your dog will be better for it if you do the demos.

So you had one class now go home and start training your dog so you are not still doing some of the things she is complaining about, I am sure she is finding fault with others too. Putting on a show like this sometimes requires you to be ready to do whatever is asked at a moments notice. As they say the show must go on! The more skills your dog can have the better I am sure if you are there she must see that your dog has potential.

Sometime please and thank you gets missed, I say talk with her and ask her when the dog is away ways to improve.
As for the mat putting away I would train my dog to lay down and stay and leave other dogs alone. I think if you could do that she would not have complained. Sure the other dog was also out of order but don't let your dog also be part of the problem.

Like I said I am a member of a dog show group that has been doing shows for over 36 years and I have seen a ton of people that get there feelings hurt. I think you might be one of those people that gets there feels hurt to easy. Look I am not sure I would let her run my dog unless you trust her and her training methods but she must have some knowledge if she has 50 years of experience. It just sounds like her people skills are not perfect just don't take it personal.

Rocketagility

Ok I am on a demo team and also a performer with a larger dog show group and yes I have met many people with years more experience than I. First I would say they want to make you a better dog trainer and sometimes learning from others is stressful. Look not everyone is a great people trainer and it sounds like this woman is lacking this skill, doubt she is being mean to you so I think you should just let is roll off your back. I am sure you will have some positive experiences and your dog will be better for it if you do the demos.

So you had one class now go home and start training your dog so you are not still doing some of the things she is complaining about, I am sure she is finding fault with others too. Putting on a show like this sometimes requires you to be ready to do whatever is asked at a moments notice. As they say the show must go on! The more skills your dog can have the better I am sure if you are there she must see that your dog has potential.

Sometime please and thank you gets missed, I say talk with her and ask her when the dog is away ways to improve.
As for the mat putting away I would train my dog to lay down and stay and leave other dogs alone. I think if you could do that she would not have complained. Sure the other dog was also out of order but don't let your dog also be part of the problem.

Like I said I am a member of a dog show group that has been doing shows for over 36 years and I have seen a ton of people that get there feelings hurt. I think you might be one of those people that gets there feels hurt to easy. Look I am not sure I would let her run my dog unless you trust her and her training methods but she must have some knowledge if she has 50 years of experience. It just sounds like her people skills are not perfect just don't take it personal.

Purley

We haven't had another practice yet. She asked me if I enjoyed the class and I told her I thought she was a bit bossy! I think when you have been doing things for years and years - things come to you as second nature. Honestly, when I am in a class and someone is showing me how to do something - I really do not notice that Lucy is sniffing the ground. That was one of the things she didn't like - that I let Lucy sniff in the training room.

I am WORKING and working on getting her to calm down. It seems to be having some results. The other day we got company and all three dogs were jumping at the step over gate at the front door. I managed to get Lucy to sit - only for a little while but she did sit down and she was a lot calmer.

Rocketagility

Well it sounds like you told her something and now I guess we will see if she will be a little less bossy, but if you just give up then you will never know or learn and improve.

Okay when you are in class and someone is showing you something if your dog is on leash and just expected to hang out well dogs don't work that way. They get bored and start doing there own thing sniffing etc. You need to either put your dog in it's crate kind of like what is taught in the Crate Games DVD by Susan Garrett and take the dog back out only when you are prepared or teach your dog a down and a stay so the dog is still working and waiting for you so I agree with this lady if your dog was loosing focus with you and sniffing you need to address this problem. Another way would be tugging with your dog. you can play tug and not have to actually look at your dog but if he is tugging he is not getting in trouble sniffing.

So when you say you are working on calming down your dog I say why instead teach your dog what you want and follow through with it. Look you need to plan to have someone come over and train your dog and mean it. First explain to your fake guest what it is you want them to do and make it into a training session. The guest knocks and you control your dogs. You invite the guest in and when you say you release the dogs. Look it sounds like your dogs might need some work on self control heck just about every dog needs work on selfcontrol. I just think this lady that you say is so bossy is just trying to make you a better dog trainer.