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I was Charley's mamma...

4K views 30 replies 14 participants last post by  LSK 
#1 ·
My name is Lo and I was the mamma of Charley. He was 13 1/2. He was the light of my life. I got him as a 9 week old from a breeder in the Santa Maria area. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with very bad hip dysplasia when he was over 2 months old and not a candidate for the early operation to correct the problem. I got him all the early intervention I could think of, Adequan shots series, acupuncture, special meals and vitamins. We even bought a house with not so great a house on the land but a great amount of grassy soft yard so he could get his exercise and play in without more damage to the joints in his hips. He was my studio mate. I'm an artist. He was my everything. My husband and son loved him as much as I did and Charley loved everyone equally. He had been picked up so he could walk for the last 6 months or so. He was also on Pred, Tram and Gaba for the last year along with a last series of acupuncture shots for the last 3 months. 2 days ago he stopped being able to walk on his own, then the sling did not work because his front legs stopped working. His whole body broke down in 48 hours. We called a vet recommended by a dear rescue foundation friend of mine. And five minutes before the vet was to be at our door, Charley woke from a straight 5 hour nap to go outside in our big front lawn. He did not want to pee or move his bowels, just walk painfully with my husband holding his rear with a sling. Then I knew that he knew. I brought out his old loved bed that he chose over all the new ones I bought him along the way and laid down. He went peacefully except for my cries of love that I said over and over. I also got him to stare at me when I asked him if he would come back to me if I looked for him. I think I saw yes in his eyes. Is there such a beautiful thing as reincarnation? I hope with all my heart yes because I cannot see myself without him. It has been 22 1/2 hours and I have been out of my skin. And worse, I have to take a trip to Hong Kong for 5 days on Sat.
How does this hell stop? Does it ever stop? Should I look for my re-born Charley in a few months? Please do not think I'm crazy. Yes. I am an artist/painter and this all sounds weird. But Charley was not my dog, he was my family, friend and my everything.
 
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#3 ·
Please accept my condolences on the loss of Charley....I know right now the pain seems bigger than your heart can bear.......and no you will never 'get over it' it will just get less hurtful. Charley was your 'heart dog' he will always be with you! Just remember that now he is in a place where he can chase the rabbits and bark at the squirrels and no body will say 'NO!' to him! God Bless You for giving him a wonderful life!
 
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#4 ·
Thank you LEUllman, I knew I would find people here that understood what it meant and maybe could advise me because, truly, I have only felt this empty two other times, when I lost my sister 10 years ago and when I lost my mother 2 years ago. But this pain is almost worse. Please understand when I say this I mean no disrespect to my most beloved mother and sister. They were both in my soulmates circle, but so was my Charley.....It's just a lost feeling. No more Charley is an unbearable thought.
 
#6 ·
Lo, My heart and sympathy go out to you. I can actually feel your heartbreak reading your post. Don't try to figure everything out right now, just try to rest and heal. You must be exhausted! Your loss is incredibly recent, you need time to come to terms with things. Please don't have any concerns about what you're feeling or thinking right now, you will come out of this tailspin, I promise. Rely on those who want to help you, you'll find many here who do. And Lo, you are still Charley's mamma. That never ends. I hope we'll continue to hear from you. Safe travels.
 
#7 · (Edited)
Chagall's Mom...Thank you for your very kind words of help. I think I'm pushing the envelope with my husband who thinks all my talk of finding Charley again is too crazy for words. And it may be. But right now the thought of the possibility of his soul returning to me in another tall 80 pound glorious blue black poodle boy is keeping me going. He was in pain before and maybe this time he will return in a healthier body that will stay with me even longer than 13 1/2 years. I sound so greedy in this post but my heart is so damn broken...He stayed and worked along side me in my studio all this years.... He was my muse. I may not have painted him but he was a part of every painting I ever did.
 
#9 ·
I think they understand better than we do when its time to say good by.We cant see past the pain that is so unbearable that it is offensive to our very being and every breath we take.We that have experienced this kind of love,understand every pain, every feeling of loss that you are , for we too, have ben there,and we are here for you if and when you need us.
 
#11 ·
I'm just so, so sorry for your loss. I hope your heart heals soon. Sounds like he was an amazing creature and you two were both lucky to share such a special relationship with each other.

We would love to see more photos if you're up to sharing more of him with us. I also have a large, giant, royal, whatever you want to call it them, standard who resembles your boy so it would be great to see more of your big guy!
 
#13 ·
And another...

He was the best at posing when bribed either with treats or extra love. He was always good at anything with extra love. Treats he could always find a way of stealing himself. To keep him thin because of the Hip Dysplasia, I had to be a treat and food Nazi. But I like to think that kept his quality of life high for almost 13 years.
 

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#16 · (Edited)
He was the best at posing when bribed either with treats or extra love. He was always good at anything with extra love. Treats he could always find a way of stealing himself. To keep him thin because of the Hip Dysplasia, I had to be a treat and food Nazi. But I like to think that kept his quality of life high for almost 13 years.
You filled him with love, there's no sweeter food or treat than that. He had the most endearing expression. I hope you carry that in your mind's eye. You really did a masterful job of managing his HD and giving him a wonderfully full life. I wish it could have been longer, but that is always the wish for our dear poodles, isn't it? You're amazing for finding the energy and strength to share Charley's memory and photos with us now. That reassures me in time you will be fine, and someday again "with poodle." :peace2:
 
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#17 ·
Thank you for sharing the picture of Charley. He was a very handsome boy. There is not a greater tribute to our fur babies than to be loved like he was. When we lost our toy, I truely thought my heart would break. I know many of us have been there at some point. We got a spoo puppy that could not have been more different. We went from a six pound, black and tan toy to a 45 pound white spoo. I would hold her as a baby and cry because I missed Patches so much I thought I would never get over it and then feel guilty because I wanted to love Lexi for being Lexi. One day very soon after we got her I realized that this little white ball of fluff had truely healed my heart. I pray that you find another to share your life and to help heal your heart.
 
#18 ·
Thank you Chagall's Mom....had to take some xanax yesterday and one pill today but it only keeps me from crawling out of my skin....my eyes are swollen and thank goodness I'm on a big village lot or someone would have called the police by now from all my wailing. Posting on here is the only respite I have had in 26 hours.

I had a poodle by proxy when I was just arrived from Rome, Italy. She was a beautiful big standard silver color named Olivia. She was the poodle of my mother's ex-husband girlfriend (All were artists and very good friends). Olivia I swore as a 5 yr old was my step sister. She understood commands like "olivia, get my handbag" "Olivia, get your leash" or even "Olivia go get Lo and bring her here" No one could convince me that she was a dog and not just a strange mute human of some kind. I have never forgotten her. She died when our friend moved to Taos and Olivia was killed by a hit and run driver when she was crossing at the crosswalk. Yes, she was able to do that. She knew where to cross the street. Taos was a very small community in the early 60's.
Anyway, the point of this was that I knew that this was a really special breed and I just waited, and waited until I felt the moment was right to find my heart treasure. And I did. Charley was perhaps not a wonder dog like Olivia, but he had the biggest heart, soul and intelligence I have ever experienced anywhere. Olivia would have loved him.
Thank you my new friends for listening to this rather crazed with sadness person. Writing today here has helped me a bit and given my eyes a rest from crying. I just do not know how I will cope without him.
 
#23 · (Edited)
LSK, how my heart cries for you right now! Your Charley sounds like he was King of your world! What a blessing for him to have you as a mom!
No, you will never get over the sadness of your loss, but you will be able to shelve the grief so that Charley's memories will bring you more smiles than tears! I lost my 18 year old Cali almost 3 years ago and she is in my thoughts every day still. I find that I can say her name now and recount memories with happiness rather than being crushed to tears !
Please, know that you are not alone! You come here whenever you need to talk about Charley and the joy he brought into your life!
We truly know how you feel!
((((((((((((((((((((LSK))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
#25 ·
Lo, please know that you wonderful, handsome Charley will be at your side forever more, never again to feel pain or suffer in any way.

Every time the wind blows, the sun rises, the sun sets, the seasons change, Charley will be at your side. You will feel him looking at you with his beautiful, soulful brown eyes, you will hear him woofing at you softly, letting you know that all is well, he is never far from you.

You will carry him in your heart, in your mind's eye, in your soul until the day comes that you will be together with him again.

Right now, mourn, cry, grieve. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. At some point the tears will slow, the mourning will become remembering and the grieving will become smiles at all of the wonderful memories that you have of your boy.

Know that all of us who have the privilege to own, or should I say to be owned by, one of these glorious creatures called Poodles know and understand your pain. Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone.
 
#26 ·
I am sorry for your loss.

Whenever I feel despair for those that are gone, I find comfort in the beautiful simplicity of life and the interconnectedness that we all share.

I think in this we are never alone, and never truly separated from our loved ones. Keep these memories close to your heart, and when the time is right find it in your heart to love another and make new memories.

This speech from NDT always makes me feel better, and more connected to what I love. I hope you find comfort and peace in these troubling times.

The Most Astounding Fact - Neil deGrasse Tyson - YouTube
 
#28 ·
It is hard to see my keyboard through my tears. We all ache with you. I hope it helps you to hear that my father was very disabled from wounds he suffered in world war II. Much of my childhood memory is of my father in pain. Since his passing I have found comfort in a vision of him walking straight and tall and pain free. Your boy is free of the burdens his body could no longer carry.
 
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